#gonna send this in the feedback form...

[sonoda-oomers]

also i surfed cyle's blog a bit bc i desperately want an out of despair and looks like this new dashboard UI has a feedback collection deadline. it's 50-50 on whether it's here to stay for now so i guess. that is a bit better. do give them feedback though if you really don't want it

[beastren]

dragon's dogma fans... put in the tags what gifts you like receiving the most when people send back your pawns, for either game honestly!!! + as a bonus, what do you prefer to see as rewards for pawn quests?

[ignatiusteto]

question for people that do comms and use Paypal as the main way to get paid! do you use a business account/suggest a person use a business account?

rbs welcome!

[fwoosheye]

I unfortunately just got the fucking tumblr live on the app (did they manage to adjust it enough to get it past the GDPR or is it convinced I'm outside the EU for some reason?), and like, when I scrolled through what it suggested to me before I snoozed that fucking feature...

Tumblr, buddy, when I "visit" pornbot blogs, it's to report them as spam and block them. So either what little algorithm you have is broken af if it can't figure out to not show things I made a habit of blocking, or 90+% of the live feed is pornbots. My guess is both.

[aajjks]

Wifey and Groceries (m)

synopsis. Another day, another shenanigan. Going grocery shopping with your nightmare of a roommate who really wants to fuck you, can’t be that much of a struggle, can it?

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: crack, 18+

warnings: grôcêry stôre shênânîgâns, flïrty jungkôôk, ôbsêssêd jungkôôk, tsûndêrê yôû, împlîcît sêxûâl jôkês, ânnôyîng jungkôôk whô wôn’t stôp bâbyîng yôû, lïkè îf yôû thïnk lâûghîng îs flïrtîng.

note. I never imagined receiving so much love on stuff like this but thank you- thank you so much for sending so much love on stuck with you and loving our horny roommate jaykay so much. 😵‍💫🥺 so on high demand here is another part. If this flops like I’m expecting well- umm but anyways I hope you guys enjoy this but please share your thoughts and feedback and if this also becomes a hit, I will write another part and I will really make this a series!! ENJOY!

“Jungkook, I swear to God, put that back.”

What did you do so wrong in your past life to deserve this kind of torture in the human form of your roommate, Jeon Jungkook?

You cannot believe this.

You glare at the ridiculous amount of instant ramen he’s just dumped into the cart, your fingers gripping the handle so tightly your knuckles are white.

It’s the third time he’s done this, and you’re this close to losing it in the middle of the aisle.

“What? We’re gonna need it,” he says, all faux innocence, holding up one of the packs like it’s a sacred artifact. “You never know when there’s gonna be a ramen emergency.”

“There’s never going to be a ramen emergency, you idiot,” you snap, shoving the packs back onto the shelf. “Stop acting like a child.”

Jungkook gasps, clutching his chest like you’ve just mortally wounded him. “Wow. You’re so mean to me. Is this what married life is gonna be like?”

“Married life?” You look at him like he’s grown a second head. “We’re not even—why are you like this?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb,”

he smirks, leaning casually on the cart. “We’re grocery shopping together, picking out ingredients for our future home-cooked meals. Pretty much married already.”

“Jungkook, I’m going to kill you.”

“Whoa, whoa, Mrs. Jeon, let’s not resort to violence,” he teases, pushing the cart forward as you glare at him. “Not when we’re still in our honeymoon phase.”

MRS JEON???? What the fuck is he barking about?

You shove the cart to a halt, ignoring the way he laughs at your frustration. “Stop calling me that. And stop putting random crap in the cart!”

“I’m not putting random crap in the cart.” He points to the giant stuffed bear sticking out of the basket. “This guy’s coming home with us. He’ll be perfect for our couch.”

“Jungkook, we don’t even have a couch.”

“Yet,” he says, grinning. “But when we do, he’s gonna look great. You’ll see.”

You groan, turning your back on him to grab the toothpaste you actually came for. But before you can even decide between mint or charcoal,

Jungkook sidles up behind you, way too close for comfort.

“Why are we even looking at toothpaste,” he murmurs, voice low, “when your smile’s already perfect?”

Your jaw drops. “Are you serious right now?”

“Always, babe.” He smirks, leaning casually against the shelf like he’s in a photoshoot. “You should get used to it. You’re stuck with me.”

“Stuck with you?” You scoff, shoving the toothpaste into the cart. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Oh, I don’t need to. You do it for me,” he fires back, trailing after you like a lost puppy as you head toward the produce section.

You ignore him, but it’s impossible when he suddenly grabs a cucumber and holds it up like a microphone.

“So, tell me,” he says, pretending to interview you, “what’s it like to be out grocery shopping with the man of your dreams?”

“Man of my nightmares, you mean,” you mutter, snatching the cucumber from his hand and tossing it into the cart.

“You wound me,” he says dramatically, clutching his chest like you’ve just shot him.

Then he grabs a pack of strawberries and holds it up.

“What about these? Strawberries for my sweetheart?”

“Your sweetheart isn’t here, Jungkook,” you deadpan.

He’s really testing your patience right now.

“Sure she is.” He winks, tossing the strawberries in the cart before you can protest.

By the time you reach the checkout line, your cart is a chaotic mix of actual groceries and Jungkook’s ridiculous additions, including the giant stuffed bear he refused to leave behind.

He’s a big man child.

As the cashier starts scanning your items, Jungkook casually drapes an arm around your shoulder.

“By the way,” he says, flashing his signature grin, “this is my girlfriend. Isn’t she pretty?”

Your brain short-circuits. “What—no, I’m not—;”

“She’s just shy,” Jungkook interrupts, squeezing your shoulder.

“But yeah, she’s the love of my life. Isn’t that right, babe?”

Why is your heart fluttering?

You slap his arm off you, your face burning as the cashier tries to hold back a laugh. “Jungkook, shut up.”

Just shut up before I shove my fist up your mouth.

He just laughs, that loud, obnoxious laugh that makes you want to scream and smile at the same time.

As you drag him out of the store, he’s still grinning like he’s just won the lottery. “Admit it,” he says, nudging your shoulder.

“You had fun.”

You roll your eyes, but the corner of your mouth betrays you, twitching up into a reluctant smile. “You’re insufferable.”

He really is insufferable and you’re constantly suffering.

“And yet, here we are,” he teases, slinging an arm around your shoulders. “Wanna grab ice cream on the way home, wifey?”

You groan, but you don’t shove him off this time.

[jjennuine]

ㅤ𓈒 ㅤ𓈒 ㅤ𓈒 HEADLIGHTS

◦ RIEPILOGO ─── a reluctant late-night car ride with the campus playboy, lee heeseung.

❪ 日语 ❫ playboy!heeseung & fem!rea 1OOO fluff suggestive pining ◜ᯅ◝ making out skinship playboy hee

notes 𓈒 ㅤ𓈒 ㅤ𓈒 back from writing hiatus……hello ! ◜���◝ also this is NOT proofread don’t expect it to be pls 😞

reblogs&feedbacks ✿ 민요

the rain dripped on your skin, sending shivers through your body, goosebumps forming on your arms. a cold breeze swept over you, only making you regret the decision to let your friend take off without you.

you wandered through the rain-soaked streets, feeling alone after a party. frustration welled in you as your damp clothes clung uncomfortably to your body, a groan leaving your mouth, trying to ignore the cars driving by.

however, amidst the rain, one car stood out to you. a sleek black vehicle racing forward, coming to an abrupt halt the moment it approached you.

the epitome of a nightmare,the very definition of slutry and sin, and the campuses it boy, lee heeseung.

(⌒▽⌒more under cut)

“why are you alone, pretty girl?” heeseung teased, his tone a mix of flirtation and curiosity. his bambi-like eyes staring at yours with confusion as he took in your soaked figure, a brow raised as he rolled the car window down.

"you need a ride?" heeseung asked casually, his trademark seductive gaze fixed on you. "i can drive you home." his tone was light, but there was an evident suggestive in it, making you feel frustrated from his tone.

"i'm fine, thank you." you never liked heeseung, he had a new girlfriend every week and never once maintained a lasting relationship. it was clear he was a player, yet his good looks and charm seemed to blur his flaws in everyone else's eyes — except for yours.

you saw right through him, this wasn’t the first time he tried to lure you into his trap of sultry.

“you’re gonna get sick, plus, you live thirty minutes away” heeseung tried to reason — making you roll your eyes, clenching your jacket tighter as heeseung couldn’t fight the urge to chuckle at your stubbornness.

“how do you know where i live?” defensively, you glared at heeseung. “i’ve been there before, remember what happened after that halloween party?”

oh, and you forgot one last reason on why you despised and swore that you’ll never fall in love with lee heeseung.

it was after a haloween party — you were rushing through a bustling crowd. you remember falling in love with heeseung at first sight, he seemingly so perfect for you. he had a drink in his hand, looking at a girl with low eyes, seeming so alluring even without any effort.

feeling tipsy and drunk in love, you found yourself in a secluded room with the man you believed would be your dream come true, lost in the tension between you two.

but everybody knows one thing about heeseung. he never stays, but he’ll always linger around your mind.

frustrated with heeseung, you couldn’t string words together to express how badly you wanted to see heeseung miserable by throwing a table at his head, glaring at him further with resentment as you scoff, walking away to avoid losing your cool.

“please baby, just set your dying hate for me aside for one night” you walked faster, yet he drove to match your pace. “angel, it’s dark out.” you hated how sincere he looked, a warm and shining light reflecting in his eyes from the bright streetlights around you two.

yet, you couldn’t seem to deny him, your drenched body and the sweet look on his eyes making you stop for a minute. you hesitantly made eye contact with heeseung, sighing as you reluctantly nod, huffing as you enter the car, heeseung lending you a towel to dry your body.

as heeseung drove away, you couldn't resist staring at him. he resembled a fallen angel — beautiful and pure on the outside, yet, you knew it was all a facade. his lies were so sweet that they could rot anyone's teeth, so sweet that it could hypnotize anyone woman in love. it was like he possessed a power to make even the most empty promises feel genuine and sincere.

you sat in the passenger seat, the sound of raindrops falling against the window easing your nerves slightly. the silence felt comforting rather than awkward as you gazed at the road ahead, admiring the bright headlights illuminating the dark, rainy weather.

a few minutes of silence passed, and heeseung decided to break it. “what is it that you hate about me so much?” he asked with a boyish grin, looking at you with his bambi eyes — then hesitantly moving to your lips.

“well, first, you’re the most insufferable person i’ve ever met” heeseungs grin faltered to a lazy smirk, nodding as he urged you to continue. “mhm, and what else?” he murmured softly, his voice coy. “you've probably kissed over fifty women in the past month,” heeseung chuckled at your snarky remark, the sound of his laugh making you reluctantly feel butterflies in your stomach.

“well, I’ve actually only kissed three,” he replied with a lazy smile, making you feel a flutter from his messy wavy hair. heeseung hummed, fingers dancing on the steering wheel. “mhm, that’s pretty impressive for you,” you muttered, leaning against the seat relaxed.

heeseung couldn’t resist stealing glimpses from you, his gaze lingering shamelessly. his desire was clear, and he was determined to make sure you knew it.

"but you don’t hate me, do you?" he teased, and you scoffed, unsure how to reply. it was clear you didn't hate him, but you couldn’t let desire consume you again, no matter how strong the temptation felt.

"i know what you’re doing" you replied, surprised as heeseung thumb brushed against your wrist. confused, you tilted your head, observing him steer into an empty parking lot — not being able to read his face.

you recognized his little game, his familiar play of seduction. he’d seduce his next girl, get what he wants, then leave like it meant nothing to him. you knew it all too well, the cycle repeating over and over again. yet, this time, it felt different, it felt more — intimate.

heeseung leaned closer, the distance between your faces only inches apart. you felt his hot breath on your cold skin, and you couldn’t help but fall under his spell at the way he stared at your lips, the thrill eating you alive.

“this isn’t a good idea…” you whispered, soft enough that heeseung could hear you. “then tell me to stop.”

you couldn’t fight the urge to connect your lips with his, the thrill to do something wrong enveloping you, wanting nothing more than to close the distance. the desperate look in his eyes, his hand that’s sneaking down your waist, and his plump soft lips catching your attention — you couldn’t say anything but the word “yes”.

you replied with a yes, and heeseung gently brought a hand to your hair, tucking a strand behind your ear before connecting his lips with yours.

the kiss was nothing more than desperate and filled with desire. he leaned you against the side of your seat and his lips on yours felt addicting, like a drug. he gently fist your hair in his hands and pulled you in deeper, making you gasp when he gently bit your bottom lip.

this was a bad idea, but you couldn't stop. he was alluring, and he pulled you in just like he wanted. it was too late to turn back — and now here you are, making out with the campus playboy you swore you despised.

[pinkyqily]

IT'S OKAY, WE'RE OKAY, WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT OKAY JUJU WATKINS x READER

Summary: After the losing game against Iowa, you and juju get into a nasty argument that leads to your teammates separating the both of you.

Warning: Angst Angst Angst, swearing, throwing shit around, bad juju and reader

Authors note: The match was something, so that is why we get angst for times like this, anyways happy reading feedback and requests are always appreciated 💕.

Tension within the team was high no one said a word as everyone entered inside the bus. All you wanted to do was sit down next to your girl and comfort each other, but that was a no brainer as she passed by and ignored you.

Her ignoring you kinda hurt but you weren't gonna push past it. You tried sending her texts only for her to swipe them each time, you saw her groan turning off her phone.

A pit was forming down your stomach but you ignored the feeling like a fool.

You knew the type of player juju was when things don't go the way they were supposed to. Right now with the loss she was definitely beating herself up over it. no one likes to lose, especially to a team that wears the ugliest shade of yellow.

Arriving at the hotel felt like you were about to step into a battle zone. Once again you tried getting juju's attention by grabbing her hands, but all she did was yank her hands away from yours like you were some insects coming to disturb her.

You tried one last time by tapping her shoulder until she finally snapped at you, raising her voice, something that she's never does always trying her best to be calm with you.

"Bro what the fuck do you want can you not get the hint that maybe I do not want to deal with your shit tonight". You heard her say which was shocking. Because she never had an outburst likes this not even infront of your teammates or others, so her doing this just made you feel like an attention seeker which made you embarrassed.

"First off, watch how you're talking to me because I do not curse at you whatsoever and all I was trying to do was comfort my teammate who thinks the whole world is on her shoulders when the team has a few bad games but it fuck me right?." You said to her.

a few of your teammates who hadn't head upstairs came to where you and juju trying to calm things down, but that only made things escalate.

"Wow this coming from the player that left the 3 pointer line all wide fucking open and probably cost us the game". The moments those words came out of juju mouth she insanely regretted them but it was to late because you already heard them.

"I'm so sorry that not everyone can be there own fucking Judea watkins that's oh so prefect". You threw back at her tears clearly streaming down your face

It was too late for juju to say anything as kiki and Ray came separating the both of you.

The looks from your coaches were equally heartbreaking because no one wants to witness their best players tearing each other to threads.

A wave of guilt filled juju as everything she said to you hit her like a brick stone she was obviously in her head and wasn't thinking at all but the damage was already done. She made you cry and hurt you're feelings what type of girlfriend and teammate was she?. Was all she wondered now.

You we're already walking off with kiki.

She tried saying something but was cut off by one of the coaches who told her not to.

"It not worth it juju just head back upstairs, we'll be having a serious talking about both of your behaviors ray please help juju up to her room". she heard coach say, heading back the other way with ray, head facing down has she pulled her hoodie strings ashamed of how she acted.

What she didn't see was the way you turned around, hoping for her to say something at all it could've been anything but she didn't.

Only leaving both of you to sleep with heavy hearts having a thin wall separating you once more, you guys were definitely not okay and no one was okay.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Doing Time 6

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, threats, age gap, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you try to keep your brother safe in jail but put yourself in danger along the way.

Characters: con/ex-con!Steve Rogers

Note: monday fucking monday.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You nearly convulse as Steve curls his fingers inside your cunt. He keeps his face buried in your ass as his thumb plucks at your clit. The battle of sensation roils inside, bubbling over to an orgasmic flow. 

You clutch the pillow and moan into it. Your legs quiver and your spine arches as you lean back into him. Your head is rolling as the room tilts all around you. You're too drunk to care that you like it so much. To worry that this man is so dangerous. Is he when he does such wonderful things to you? 

He purrs as he coaxes you through your climax. You heave and turn your face out as your thighs burn. He pets your cheek as he slowly draws up, his fingers still burrowed to the knuckle. He rocks his hand before dragging it free. You collapse onto your side as he rises onto his knees. 

"Mmm, just as sweet as you look," he growls as the bed bounces with his movement. 

You steel yourself for what comes next. You tense, waiting for him to flip you over, to crush you beneath his powerful form. He stands and strides across the room. 

"Be a second, sweetheart, alright?" 

He dips out into the hall and toward the bathroom. You hear the tap running as he fiddles around in there. You shiver and hug yourself. Your thighs stick together and your walls clench at the thought of him. You whine through your teeth. 

"All cleaned up," he returns as your vision swims around his figure. "Aw, sweetheart," he nears the bed, "let's get you all tucked in." 

He gently tugs free the duvet and guides it over you. You tremble again and he strokes your cheek. He bends and kisses your temple. 

"You really think I want you all drunk for this?" He tuts. "Baby, you're gonna remember Steve Rogers."  

He gets up again and crosses the room. He shuts off the light. His footfalls approach once more. He lifts the other side of the duvet and slips in behind you. He snakes his thick arm around you and pulls you against him. He's hard and twitching. He groans but does nothing else. 

"You got me hurting, baby, but it's no good if it doesn't hurt a bit, huh?" He nuzzles the back of your head. "I waited this long. What's another night?" 

The tension eases but doesn't relent entirely. It's only the alcohol that drags you down to sleep as your inner panic continues to brew. Your subconscious distorts images of Vaugh and Steve, the prison and your apartment, day and night.

All until you're awakened by the nail lodged deep into your skull. Your hangover is hits like a train, all of you aches and your stomach is in ruins. 

A warmth brushes up your stomach and you groan. You have only your bra to hide and your tits have popped over the cups. Steve caresses your side and kisses your head.  

"How's that champagne today, sweetheart?" The question sounds anything but taunting. His tone is almost soothing. The heat of his body too. You hate that you want to stay in it. 

"You drink coffee, sweetheart?" He slowly shifts, lifting himself on one arm. 

"Please," you accept. 

"Don't you fuss," he pets your shoulder, "stay." 

He covers you again in the duvet. He gets off the bed and rounds the foot board. He grabs your fluffy robe from the back of the door. It doesn't go past his thighs and strains over his shoulders. The red and white polka dot is clownish as it's undersized on him. 

He leaves the room and you fall onto your back. You moan. Your insides are all wobbly and not just because of your overindulgence. Through the fog, there are glimmers. His mouth on you, his fingers inside... 

You're confused. You don't want to like it. You don't want it to be good. It would be so much easier if you were repulsed. 

You try to calm to pulse in your temples. It takes everything to sit up. You hang your head and raze your scalp with your nails. Ugh. 

"Sweetheart, I hope you're not thinking of going anywhere," Steve enters with a waft of medium roast. "Cause I know you heard me." 

You wince. Yes, you got his command. Even if you could go, you won't. 

"Here," he offers the coffee, "you take anything in it?" 

"Thanks, uh... Black is fine," you shift as you take the mug. 

He reaches around you and moves the pillows so you can lean against him. You thank him again and seep up the heat of the porcelain. It's your only comfort in this cold and gray world you made for yourself. 

"It can be a lazy day," he says. "You know," he sits on the edge of the bed. "I was so busy getting myself all ready for you, I didn't get a chance to catch my breath." 

You nod and stare at the cup. You taste the coffee. He rubs your leg through the blanket and looks at you. 

"When's your next visit? I think I should go along." 

You nearly choke. You lower the cup and arch a brow. He chuckles. 

"You're so gorgeous, baby," he smirks. "Look, you don't gotta do anything on your own anymore, sweetheart. Nothing. I meant everything I said. I'm here to take care of you." He taps your leg softly. "Let me start by drawing you a bath. Tub's a bit small but we'll change that soon enough." He stands and adjusts the rob as it rides up. "Gonna need a place big enough for both of us." 

He leaves again. You sit dumbfounded with your coffee. You're not sure you can blame it all on the hangover. 

A day ago, this was your apartment. You were your own person. Now you are firmly in his grasp. The prisoner has become warden. 

You taste the relief nestled in the mug. You let it sooth you, as much as it can. You hear the lapping of water in the tub. You lean into the pillows and sigh.  

'Next visit...' 

Vaughn will blow a gasket, maybe more. It's one thing that you spoke to Steve. That's a foolish mistake. It's another to tell him you're shacking up with an ex-con. The way your brother is, he'll never believe it wasn't your own fault. You're not sure you don't think the same. And he'll be sure to say as much, if says anything at all. 

"Sweetheart," Steve startles you from the doorway. How long has he been there? "How's the coffee?" 

"Good," you rasp and push the blanket down your lap. "It's...helping." 

Nothing and no one can help you now. That grim acceptance is your only shield. You sit up and balance the mug over the edge of the bed. You clasp onto the blanket, too shy to move from under it and unveil your naked body. 

"You don't lift a muscle," he insists and crosses the room. 

"Steve, I..." you clutch the duvet. "I can do it." 

"You're hiding," he stands before you and bends to meet your eyeline, "why are you doing that? You're too gorgeous to be so shy." 

"Really, I..." 

He pulls the blanket from your grasp. You gulp and cover your pelvis, squeezing your thighs together. He growls. 

"Damn, it's taking every inch of me not to put you on your back," he breathes and takes the cup from you. "Good things come to those who wait, right?" 

He scoops you up and you catch yourself against him, your palm against the fluffy robe. His chest peaks out, the firm lines of muscle bulging beneath. You quiver and he chuckles softly. 

"I know you never had a man like me," he boasts. "And baby, I don't want anyone but you." 

You put your chin down. He says such sweet things but they can’t change who he is or what he’s done. Or hasn’t done. You don’t think you’ll ever know for sure. 

He carries you into the hall and down to the bathroom. The tub steams as it fills, the smell of your vanilla soap wafts in the damp air. He lowers you onto the toilet seat and traces a finger down your bra strap. 

“I’ll get your coffee. You just take it easy.” 

He cradles your cheek before he goes. You shiver as he walks away and brush your hands together nervously. You exhale. You’ll try to do just that for as long as you can. Eventually, you’ll have to face it all. 

⛓️‍💥

The relief you find in the hot water quickly dissolves as Steve appears again. He’s switched out the borrowed robe for a pair of grey sweats. His strength, his control, is felt in how he overwhelms you. Both mentally and physically. 

He helps you from the tub but keeps the towel from you. He insists on dry you as you squirm. He gently nudges your hands away as you instinctively hide from him. He purrs as he gropes you through the cotton. 

Again, he sweeps you up. You feel helpless as he carries you back to bed. You're not sure if he thinks you truly are or if that’s only how he wants you. Defenseless, docile, completely pliable to his whims. 

He lays you on the mattress. He tuts as you reach for the duvet, “sweetheart, this is your day. Let me pamper you.” 

You recede into yourself. You cross your arms as your thighs quiver. There’s nothing keeping you from him. Your both intensely aware of that. His restraint flickers in his eyes as they devour you. 

“Stay just like this for me.” He commands. 

You don’t move as he leaves you. Those last two words echo. ‘For me’. It’s all for him. You, your life, everything. It’s there for the taking and he will take all of it. 

You stare at the ceiling as you listen to him; invading your space, your life, your everything. He returns, cap pops loudly as he nears. He rubs his large hands together, the friction drawing your attention as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

He cups your chest and smears the lotion across your skin. He kneads you shamelessly as he works the cocoa butter balm in. His thumbs trace the curve of your tits and he purrs, his eyes stuck to his hands. You swelter beneath his intensity. 

You shift as he adds more lotion and rubs it across your shoulders, massaging down your arms as a series of groans bubble from you. The way he kneads into the muscle and soft tissue has you quivering. You have to keep from shivering as an icy flow cuts through the heat coursing into you. 

The epiphany paralyses you as much as his presence. No one’s ever touched you like this. So intently, to intricately, so gently. There’s a diligence to his tending that has you melting into the bed. 

“Just relax,” he coaxes as he swirls his thumbs down your stomach. His rough fingertips are ticklish against your soft skin. You wince and grab his wrist reflexively as he drags his touch down your doughy middle. 

“Steve, not... not there.” 

“Mm, why not, baby?” He wriggles free of you. 

“It’s... please.” 

“Please what? You don’t think all of you is gorgeous?” 

“Just not there,” you brush your hand across his. 

“Baby, if you can’t love yourself, you gotta let me,” he cooes and shifts. He bends, his broad shoulder curling as you gasp. He bows down and kisses your stomach with a hum. You press your hand to his shoulder. 

“Steve,” you yelp. 

He nuzzles your soft belly, “mm, perfect. Every part of you.” He works the lotion into your belly, kissing along the path of his touch. You shudder and curl your fingers against his muscles. “Sweetheart, you got to be good to yourself.” His hand slips down your thigh, crawling in between, “that’s how you can be good to me.” 

His hot breath sends a chill through you and you tense. He nips you softly before he sits up and reaches for the lotion once more. He goes back to blending it into your flesh. Even as your nerves flurry, you can’t help how his touch soothes you. How it sinks into you and has you melding to his hands. 

[goquokka00]

SKZ vs. Shark Week (Felix ver.)

How would each member of Stray Kids handle you while you're on your period?

BANGCHAN | MINHO | CHANGBIN | HYUNJIN JISUNG | FELIX | SEUNGMIN | JEONGIN

WARNING: This is a female reader going through their period. If the topic of a period/anything that has to do with a period makes you uncomfortable, then don't read it. Just remember that there's nothing wrong with a woman's period. It's a perfectly healthy body function :)

THE MOODS It was very safe to say that you were an absolute wreck. Not necessarily because you were all over the place emotionally, but because you were just extremely sensitive. One tiny little compliment that Felix gave you would make you cry. One little critique would make you cry. The cute puppy that lived across the hall? It made you cry.

And so, Felix made an effort to always be with you. Any time you started crying, he'd instantly scoop you into his arms and coo to you, babying you with everything he had. While he was usually your baby, when you got emotional like this, you were his. And he'd do everything in his power to make you feel all better.

You want kisses? He's gonna douse you in them. You want to be held? Great! Felix won't let you go. You want him close? Felix will melt into you, nuzzle your cheek with his, and squeeze you until you feel better. You don't want any of that? Too bad. He'll do it anyway.

THE BLOOD You actually don't bleed that much. Your flow is really light, but it lasts a long, long time. And Felix couldn't be more thankful. Why? Because he could still get his cuddles while you bled and lay with you. What more, you were willing to go out and do things with him.

You didn't feel gross because you didn't have a swimming pool of blood in your pants, hell, you didn't have to double up on products, either. You could easily get away with just using panty liners most of the time. Simple as that. And Felix couldn't be more grateful that his girl was somewhat functional.

THE PAIN While your period was nice to you in the blood regard, it was NOT nice to you during the other symptoms that occurred. There wasn't necessarily pain, but you did tend to stay up way later. Why? Because you sweated like a mad man during the night. You'd get hot, then you'd get grumpy, and then you'd just want to sprawl and not be anywhere near Felix.

And while Felix was a bit upset by that, and wanted to cuddle like you both normally did, he also understood that you were just uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed. He would be too if he was creating a new ocean made entirely of sweat where he was laying.

And so, he would go and sleep in the dorms at night, only to come right back the next day to be with you in case you needed anything.

THE PRODUCT Because Felix has two sisters, I feel like he'd be pretty comfortable with the sight of period products. He knew the ins and outs of it really well, and so he was more than happy to help out where he could. The one thing he was a bit hesitant on was going and getting the products for you.

It wasn't that he didn't want to because it was weird or embarrassing, no no no. He just really didn't want to slip up and get the wrong ones. Even if you were to write down exactly what you need and send a picture to him, he'd still be nervous that it wasn't the right ones, and that he failed you (even though he's incapable of failing anyone).

And when it comes to the waste, Felix just...doesn't want to look. He doesn't like the sight of blood in any shape or form, and so if he does accidentally see it, he'll just come to you and hesitantly ask you if next time, you could possibly cover the blood a bit more so he doesn't have to see it. And you do it, because he's too precious to argue with.

Hey! Firstly, thank you so much for reading this post, and I really hope you enjoyed! If you did, please like, reblog, or comment so I can see how I'm doing with writing and getting feedback! I hope you have a lovely day! Sleep well, stay in good health, and eat something if you haven't! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist: @miss-daisy04 @kayleefriedchicken @wolfs-archive @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @wolfs-howling @rose-w-00-d @skzlover24

[almostempty]

self esteem (joel x f!reader)

wc: 2.9k | masterlist | rating: 18+ | read on ao3 |

part 2 ⎯ part 3 ⎯ part 4

summary: Joel blows you off for your date. You end up blowing him when he shows up looking to score. Inspired by the song Self Esteem by The Offspring. 

tags/warnings: kinda mean/fuckboy joel, mild dub con, smut, PWP, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected piv sex, joel comes on your tits, dirty talk, one (1) slap, choose your own joel era, reader is on some dumb bitch juice for this man (i would be too), hit and run, smash and dash,

a/n: PLEASE send any feedback, this is the first thing i’ve ever written and posted, i’m tryn’ to practice and gain confidence bc my dream fic doesn’t exist so i gotta write it, it’s scary to post, y’all are so brave wtf 

It’s purgatory. You’d made plans to go out tonight with Joel. It’s useless to expect him to show up, but you got ready and anxiously paced around your living room anyway. Checking your phone, at thirty minutes past the time he had said he’d pick you up. You sent him a text. His read receipts were on; he saw your message. Another thirty minutes pass agonizingly slowly. He hasn’t responded. You can feel a mild headache forming behind your eyes. 

You grab a drink from your fridge and collapse on the couch with a sigh. A mixture of anger, regret, and rejection churns in your gut. You shouldn’t have set yourself up for disappointment. 

No, he shouldn’t be such an asshole. You’ve got to stick up for yourself. Tell him off for his bullshit. The manipulation, standing you up, the lies. You know he’s using you. 

Unfortunately, you find the toxic rush addictive. The way he charms and seduces you after disappearing or acting like an idiot. You enable his behavior every time. 

And it’s sick that you like it. You like knowing it’s your door he knocks on in the middle of the night. He won’t take you on a date, but he still can’t stay away. 

No. Not this time. You’re done letting him waste your time with plans that never materialize. You’re going to practice all the things you should say. Tell him to fuck off. 

You grab another drink and return to the couch. The rejection is sinking in, and you’re feeling pretty low. You silence notifications from him in an attempt to take control of your thoughts. To stop waiting for it to light up with his name. You aren’t going to keep waiting for him. 

You shower and change into a big T-shirt and underwear. Returning to the couch, you turn on some trash TV to shut your brain off. It helps. Keeps you distracted. When it hits 2 AM, you crawl off the couch and turn out the lights. You hope you’re tired enough to sleep without Joel haunting your thoughts. 

You’re getting a glass of water to take to bed when you hear the knock at your door. Your stomach swoops and your body tenses with excitement. 

You’re fucked. 

You can’t stop the smile that breaks out on your face. 

He’s like a stray cat. Or, more like a tomcat. You know he’s gonna sweet talk his way in. You should ignore him. You should leave him outside on your doorstep, horny and alone. Let him feel rejected this time. 

You crack open the door and face Joel. He glows in the moonlight, stupid eyes sparkling when he looks at you. He leans an arm on the door frame and purrs at you. 

“Baby.”  

You roll your eyes. His breath smells like whiskey. 

“What the fuck, Joel? Where were you?”

He frowns. Big brown eyes try to weaken your defenses. 

“Work thing.” 

“Til 2 AM?” 

“One of the guys on the crew. Was his birthday, so we had to take him out.” 

You don’t believe him. You feel the urge to slap him across his scruffy cheek. You feel the urge to pull him in and kiss him. 

No. You can’t listen to that voice. The voice that still gets butterflies over him showing up at the door. He’s only here because all the bars closed, and now he’s looking to score. 

He preys on your moment of weakness. You’re in a debate with your inner demons, and he barges his way into your space. He moves like a blur. You blink and his rough hand is tracing the line of your jaw. 

He’s caging you in against the back of your door. He leans in closer. Hot breath fanning over your face. Your breath is still caught in your throat. You have half a mind to shove him off of you and begin your lecture, but he gives you no chance. 

He presses urgent kisses and bites along your jawline and down the column of your throat. A vampire at your door. You didn’t invite him in, but he’s got his teeth sinking into your flesh anyway. 

He smells like sweat, sawdust, and some over-scented men’s deodorant. Smells like a man, your lizard brain thinks. 

Trapped between him and the door, the closeness is intoxicating. His body is large and powerful and radiates a frenetic energy. Like he’s buzzing with need for you. You can’t help it; you like feeling wanted like this. Desired. The way he crashes into you like a feral beast—

“Wait.” Some sense flashes into your conscience. 

“Hmm?” he growls in your ear. His face is still buried against your neck while his hands grope at your body. You can feel the heat radiating off of him. His hands move to knead at your breasts through your soft, faded shirt. You fight to ignore the pleasure. 

“Joel.”

“Hmm.”

“You can’t just show up in the middle of the night after bailing on me and expect to get laid.” 

His hands slide under your shirt. The skin-to-skin contact makes you dizzy. He pinches and pulls at your nipples, and you fight back a moan, trying to refocus. 

“Joel!” you snap at him. 

“C’mon, I’m sorry, baby,” he coos into your skin. 

He rocks his hips against you, and the sensation of his hard bulge in his jeans against your soft skin sends a jolt of need through your nervous system. The words you practiced earlier slip further and further from your mind. 

“You can’t keep treating me like this.” You lob at him. The rest of your speech is hazy. You're grasping at sentence fragments, trying to remember the points you wanted to make. 

“Not gonna keep working.”

“Quit,” he replies sharply. 

“What?” 

One of his large hands slides up, still under your shirt, bunching it up, and wraps around your throat. He bites at your chin. Sharp teeth. He kisses your cheek. Soft lips. He nips your earlobe. You gasp. He sucks it into his hot mouth. Your eyes slam shut. 

You feel like you’re at his mercy, and the cavewoman inside of you just wants him to drag you to bed. 

“Quit arguing,” he grumbles. His deep voice in your ear sends a rush of arousal down your spine. 

“It’s not fair,” you protest. 

He shifts. His hands travel downward to squeeze at the plush skin of your ass. He tugs you forward and shoves his knee between your legs. You lose any train of thought. Cruel man. You don’t care anymore. You’ll let him keep tearing pieces out of your heart. As long as you can keep using each other's bodies. 

The pressure and friction of his thigh against your tingling pussy is the ultimate betrayal. You can’t stop the whiny gasps that come out of your mouth at the contact. 

He lets out a satisfied chuckle at that. Cocky bastard. 

“Not fair,” he repeats after you. “Hmm. Tell that to your wet cunt dripping on my leg, baby.” 

Your core flutters at his words. You feel your face flush, but it’s hard to argue with him. 

“I think you want me,” he continues. 

You try to glare at him. Your hips don’t care, though, as they roll against him. 

“S’alright, baby.”

You wish it were. 

“I only want you.” 

You desperately want to believe him. You shove that thought out of your mind. 

He pulls your shirt off and rakes his eyes down your body. He’s menacing. His broad shoulders and tense muscles loom over you. He’s fully clothed while you’re bare except for your wet panties clinging to your folds. 

Your chest heaves as you watch him. He has a carnivorous gaze. You’re prey with your soft body exposed; he’s a hungry predator waiting to make a lethal move. 

But he doesn’t strike. 

He moves painfully slowly. Tracing a finger down over your lips, down your chest, and belly, to the hem of your underwear. He slips the tip of his finger underneath and skates it across your skin from left to right. 

“Fuck,” you breathe, tense and twitching at the sensations. It’s too delicate. His expression looks like he wants to eat you whole, but his movement is restrained. 

“Know you do.” his voice washes over you, and a slight hum echoes in your throat. 

“You want me.” he husks. 

He pushes you back off his thigh. His hand dives further into your panties, and he drags his fingers through the pool of your arousal and spreads it through your folds. A smile breaks out on his face. 

“Yes,” you exhale as your body shudders. 

A look flashes across his features, and his eyes darken with lust. You peer down to watch his hand disappear in your underwear. 

“Say it.” He demands. 

“What?” Your eyes flick up to his. 

“Say it.” He repeats firmly. 

You writhe a little as he continues to toy with you. He’s wicked. Tracing circles around your clit, but not long enough to build a satisfying rhythm before he dips down and fills you with two fingers. He moves them lazily for his own enjoyment. 

You groan in frustration. It’s a tempting sound to his ears, but he doesn’t look amused. He’s waiting to hear it. 

“I want you?” you guess what he’s waiting for you to say. 

There's no use lying about it if that’s what he wants to hear. You want him. Even if you’ve been ruminating over his shitty behavior all night. 

“You askin’ or tellin’?” 

“Want you,” you repeat as a statement. 

He pulls his hand away completely. Your body jerks, chasing his touch. 

“Please,” you try. 

“Again.” he’s gruff. Ferocious as he demands you confess your desire. 

You sigh. Maybe for giving up so quickly or maybe because you always knew you would. 

“I want you.” 

He doesn’t relax. Or move. 

“Again.” He repeats like he’s a malfunctioning robot. 

“I want you, Joel.” 

“Again.”

“Please, Joel, I want you.” 

The hint of a smirk appears on his face. 

He taps your chin, encouraging you to part your lips. He slides his wet fingers in your mouth, along your tongue, and then removes them. He holds your open mouth, fingers around your jaw, and looks as if he’s assessing the quality of your tongue. 

“Prove it.” He commands. 

His tone does something to your brain.

Tomorrow, you might be confused at how he blew you off, but you ended up on your knees blowing him. But right now, you’re chasing a desperate need.

He steps back to give you space. You drop to your knees as he undoes his belt. Your eager hands work his jeans and boxers down far enough to expose his leaking cock. 

If you looked, you might’ve caught his condescending smirk, now fully exposed. 

You don’t look. You don’t wait for further instructions. You lap at his tip and tease with your tongue. You start working him into your mouth. 

The weight of his cock on your tongue causes you to moan. The vibrations cause him to moan right back. 

His arm shoots out to the door behind you for support. His head hangs, watching you move. 

“Fuck,” he groans at the sight of your lips wrapped around him. His clipped grunts and the way his core flexes encourage you. Your soft hand works in tandem with your mouth, and you’re drooling openly. You coat him in saliva. Messy. Your lips are swollen. 

When he breaches your throat, you slow down to focus on your breathing and swallowing. Little gags contract around the head of his cock as you focus on relaxing. 

“Fuck. Yeah, baby, show me you want it,” he rambles above you. 

You keep going and take him deep until your jaw aches and your pussy throbs. Hearing him react and spew filth at you stokes the fire in your core. 

“Knew your cock hungry mouth was waiting for me,” he slurs. 

A flash of embarrassment courses through you at that statement. 

You did wait for him. You should’ve said no. But it’s so hard when he shows up ready to go. You may be dumb for tolerating his actions, but you’re not going to turn down a man that looks like him and fucks like he does.  

“Eyes up,” he orders. 

You whine around him, looking up through your lashes. Obedient. With your eyes locked on each other, something passes briefly between you. Easy to miss, hard to describe. Like you could look at each other like that forever. Then it’s gone. 

He slides out of your mouth. Ogling the pornographic way spit trails between his tip and your tongue. The way your lashes are wet from trying to blink away the tears of exertion. 

“I did wait, Joel. Waited for you all night,” your voice comes out a little hoarse. You can’t be bothered if it sounds desperate. 

“‘Course you did,” he smiles and cradles your cheek in his palm. “Get up.” 

You don’t argue. He helps to pull you up, spins you around, and walks you the few steps over to your couch. He bends you over the armrest. You’re burning with need. 

He takes his time pulling your panties off. The way he has you presented for him makes you impatient. 

“Joel,” you whine his name in protest. 

“Quit.” He slaps your ass to make his point. 

You huff, but when both of his large palms spread your cheeks wider for his own enjoyment, another needy whine slips out of your throat. 

He chuckles darkly at you. 

“I’ll give you what you need,” he assures you before he sinks into your desperately empty hole. 

You groan in unison as he fills you. 

“So deep,” you murmur. He fits like he was made for you. Fills you up, so you can’t think of anything else. Can’t think of what you wanted to say or how you felt watching the time pass while you waited for him to show up earlier. 

“Always,” he agrees. 

He picks up a bruising pace. On edge for so long, you might go blind with the force of your building climax. 

He grasps your hair at the base of your skull and pulls, further arching your back and ripping another moan from deep in your chest. The sensations are overwhelming, and your mind feels blank. The sounds of his hips slapping into you and your combined panting, grunting, and babbling turn to white noise. The consistent drive of his cock against the perfect spot inside of you has you hurtling to the edge. 

“Yeah, baby, I know what you want,” he croons. Your breasts bounce with every thrust, and his other hand wraps around you to squeeze at them tightly. He remains steady and brutal with his movements. He does know what you want. And he keeps giving it to you. 

“Please, yes, don’t stop,” you beg. 

You wriggle one hand down to touch yourself. The pressure from your fingers around your clit brings you over the edge. You clench around him and gasp as you come.

“Yeah, that’s it. You come on this cock,” he rasps behind you as he works you through it. 

You feel the release melt your muscles, causing you to slump forward. 

“Oh, fuck,” he breathes, and you know he’s trying to hold on as he pulls out and pants heavily. 

“Turn around for me,” he demands, stepping back. “On your knees.” 

You obey and turn to kneel in front of him. He looks wrecked, his eyes half-lidded and his mouth hanging open. His fist wrapped around his cock, still glistening from your release. 

It’s a debauched scene. He’s still fully dressed, only as exposed as necessary. He charges towards his climax with frantic force. You pose for him eagerly despite your boneless, damp form. 

He looks so primal it makes you lightheaded. You bite your lip to stop yourself from letting a giggle out. Your face shines with a sated glow.

You tilt your head up and squeeze your tits together for him. 

“Fuck, fuck,” he rasps out like it’s the only word he knows at this point. Your glossy, swollen lips pout up at him. Like, you need him to finish for you. That sends him. He comes across your chest as you release your hands, dropping your breasts with a little bounce.. 

He stares at you as his breathing slows. His warm spend is rapidly cooling against your skin. You still have a glowy, dreamy look on your face. Content.

“You look so good like that,” he praises you. A flush creeps up your chest and neck. 

You stand up and grab your forgotten water from the coffee table. He tucks himself back into his jeans and fastens his belt. 

“You gonna buy me breakfast to make up for bailing?” you float the idea with a joking tone, but there’s hope behind it. 

“Sorry, baby, got a job early in the morning.” 

“Right,” you snarl at him as he leans in to kiss you. 

“How about dinner after?” he suggests and fishes for his keys in his pocket. 

“Okay, yeah, what time?” You ask. 

“Not sure when I’ll be done.” He’s not looking at you. “I’ll text you.” 

He turns, slips out the door, and then he’s gone. 

You’re still standing there, naked and dumbfounded, with his drying come across your tits as he drives away. 

You groan and curse at yourself. He’s not going to text you tomorrow. 

You should stick up for yourself. But he did say he wants only you. And the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right? 

-> NEXT

[seraphhskies]

a little game - ghostface (billy loomis)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Billy Loomis t. x Fem. Reader | Smut

Warnings: 18+, language, violence, fear, reader doesn't know he's an actual murderer, chase scene, knifeplay- starts off fluffy though!

Word Count: 2.1k A/N: I have quite literally never written anything like this before! I hope it's good and tysm for reading! If you have requests, feel free to lemme know & provide feedback!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It had been a wonderfully normal evening. 

It was dark outside, raining slightly, and remarkably peaceful for a town that was being plagued by murder. You, however, had no worries as you lay snuggled up with your boyfriend on the couch. 

You had called him over earlier that day, with the promise that the house belonged to the two of you. Your parents were out of town for the weekend, and you didn’t want to stay alone. 

You were nestled in his lap, Billy’s arms across your waist pulled you impossibly closer. Your eyes were fluttering shut as he pressed kisses to your jaw. 

“Mm.” You sighed, melting into him. 

The two of you were usually like this, all touch. Billy’s hands were on you in some form anytime you were around. 

But, the night had started innocently enough- believe it or not. Yeah, you may have dressed up a little for the occasion- but it was just a skirt. Nothing he hadn’t seen you in before.

Billy had brought food over, all grins as you opened the door. He’d even gone out of his way to rent your favorite movie and grab a few snacks you liked. 

A soft laugh broke the silence and your thoughts, coming from you. His hands squeezed your ass, a wicked smirk on his face as he looked at you. 

“Where’d you go, pretty girl?” He murmured, voice low and dark- sending a shiver down your spine. 

“Just thinkin’ about you ‘s all.” You responded, nuzzling your face into his neck. He hummed in reply, tutting playfully. 

“You have me right here.” He reminded you. 

You returned the favor by biting his neck, chomping down to catch him off guard. A startled sound left him, before his hand came swiftly down onto your ass.

You yelped, face turning red at the sensation. Billy’s hand rubbed over it soothingly, groping at your thighs as well. You shifted in his lap, getting a groan out of him as you ‘accidentally’ wriggled to get comfortable. 

His hands guided you along his lap. It didn’t take long for the two of you to grind against one another. You could feel the clothed outline of his cock, a whimper leaving your mouth as he guided your hips along it. 

As you found a pace, Billy’s head tilted back onto the couch. Both of you were panting and moaning quietly, and you were pretty sure he could feel how wet you were for him through your panties.

Then, the phone started ringing. Your eyes darted over, Billy’s attention also drawn in by the phone.

You frowned, irritated by the noise but decided to ignore it. 

“You gonna get that?” Billy asked, breathless as your hips kept rolling against him. You shook your head, and he nodded approvingly. His grip was tight on you, and you shivered as his eyes rolled down your body.

You must have missed the predatory gleam in his eyes. 

Unluckily for you, the phone kept ringing. The third time it happened you scowled, murmuring a soft apology and pressing a kiss to your boyfriend's lips, before getting up to answer it.

Billy didn’t protest, watching you with a dark hunger.

You answered the phone in the kitchen, back turned from your boyfriend. “Hello?” You asked. 

The caller greeted you with your name, and you frowned. “Who is this?” 

“Do you wanna play a game?” The voice asked, and you froze. It was dark and creepy, the question sending a shiver down your spine. 

“No.” You answered shortly, hanging up the phone. You sighed, a bit weirded out, but turned around with the expectation that Billy would be on the couch.

Only, he was gone. 

“Billy?” You called, arms wrapping around yourself for comfort. No answer. 

The phone started ringing again, but you ignored it. Instead, you began looking around the house. Maybe he was in the bathroom or playing a prank on you?

After about five minutes of no luck, you heard something. You froze in your spot, eyebrows furrowing as the sound of glass breaking came from up the stairs. In your bedroom. 

Hesitantly, you began to go up the stairs before you paused. You needed a weapon. Something to stop the intruder, especially if they had broken in. A terrified breath left you, and you settled on sneaking quietly into the kitchen. 

You rummaged around for a knife, confusion filling you when you couldn’t find the largest one in the butcher’s block. Had the intruder already been able to grab a knife? More importantly, why had you never seen them?

A sinking feeling was in your stomach. You grabbed a smaller one, clutching it tightly as you settled on going up the stairs. 

If it weren’t for your worry for Billy, you probably would have left the house by now.

You didn’t make a peep as you crept up the stairs. You kept your breathing even, listening cautiously for the next noise. The hallway was short. Just your room, a bathroom, and your father’s office were upstairs. 

There were only so many rooms they could be in, you reassured yourself. Your hand was shaking, but you ignored it. 

That’s when you heard it- a door closing. Terror filled your body as your eyes darted to your room. You should have just called the police, waited for them to do something. You hadn’t even thought about it until now. 

Then, the lights went off. 

You covered your mouth, barely muffling your scream. It was short, as you realized that the important thing was to be quiet, but managed to slip past your lips. You shoved yourself against the wall in the hallway, chest heaving as you tried to calm down.

Your name was cooed. You were frozen in horror as you saw the glint of a white mask in the darkness, barely visible. Of course, he saw you too. You gripped your knife tightly. A horrible, awful part of you was enjoying the thrill. 

No words were uttered as he began walking towards you. That’s all it took for you to take off sprinting- tripping a little down the stairs as he chased right after you. His pace quickened along with your heartbeat. 

Tears began to gather in your eyes as he talked to you. “Did nobody tell you it’s dangerous to run with knives?” He taunted, cackling as you slipped and caught yourself on the wall. It sounded so much like your boyfriend… but you screamed internally at yourself. 

Don’t stop running.

The door was right there, right in front of you- as you were cruelly ripped away from it. You screamed, flailing as you were dragged back against the man’s chest. Your own chest heaved with distress, eyes widening as a knife was held to your throat. The same one that was missing. 

“Hello, pretty girl.” He crooned in your ear. 

His hand was around your waist, the sharp edge of the blade pressed tightly against your throat. 

“Billy?” You panted, nothing but distress in your tone. You wanted to be relieved that it was him, wanted to feel that the heat pooling at your core was not as bad now. 

“Ding, ding, ding.” You could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“You- you fucking asshole,” You huffed, realizing halfway that it probably wasn’t the smart decision. “You’re scaring me.” 

“That’s kinda the point, sweetheart.” There was an eyeroll in his response. “Don’t you wanna spice things up?” He teased, your breath becoming shallow as he dragged the tip of the knife down your clothed body.

You shivered. “What, was it too much for you?” Billy continued to croon beneath the mask. Your brows furrowed at the challenge, head screaming no- but the slickness pooling between your legs was another thing. 

“No,” You breathed, finally. 

You could hear the grin in his voice when he replied. “Good girl.” He cooed, voice dark and yet smooth as honey. He got rough with you almost immediately. 

You were more turned on by it than you’d like to admit. Yeah, you two had talked about things a few weeks ago- but you hadn’t expected him to pretend to be a killer and chase you. It was thrilling in a horrible, wonderful way. 

Billy pushed you onto the couch. “On your knees.” He demanded. “Put your hands up here.” You obliged quickly, spurred by the knife that was being guided down your skin. 

A moan left your lips as his free hand drifted to your cunt, rubbing you through your panties. “You little slut,” He chuckled. “You’re definitely enjoying this.” You whimpered.

An embarrassed blush crossed your cheeks, and you craned your neck to watch him over your shoulder. His finger traced over your clothed clit, another moan escaping as he drew tight circles. 

At some point, he grew bored of toying with you over your underwear. He brandished the knife, cutting them off of you. You gasped, biting your lip. 

A finger prodded at your core, entering with ease. You heard Billy’s dark chuckle at that. He began to move, inserting another two fingers before deeming that you were ready. You heard his pants hit the floor, the rustling of fabric, and a low groan as he stroked himself. 

You were aching for him at this point, whining and letting your head droop as his tip rubbed through your folds. 

“Please,” You begged. Billy was teasing, his mask tilting as you looked back at him. 

“Please what?” He replied.

“Please fuck me,” You murmured, and he sighed. He moved closer, but didn’t do as you asked. Frustrated, you pushed your hips back. He responded with a swift smack to your ass, pulling away. 

“Please! Please just-” You cried, having needed him all evening. “Please fuck me.”  He gave his approval in a groan, the desperation in your tone getting the message across. 

He slid into you with ease, a loud, satisfied moan rewarding him. “Shit-” He cursed, sinking into you. “So fuckin’ tight.” The comment went straight to your core, and you clenched around his cock. 

Billy pulled you up, gripping your waist in one hand as he pulled you flush against his body. Your eyes fluttered shut, pleased sounds leaving your mouth as he pushed in deeper. He fit inside you perfectly, his cock somehow always managing to hit the perfect spot. 

He began to move, giving you just a second to adjust, before he was rough with you. His knife, which had never left his hands, was held at your throat once more. He dragged in and out of your walls deliciously, the sound seeming to echo in the still dark room. 

You felt so good, moaning prettily for him as he absolutely ravaged you. He was fast, and far from gentle. The grip on your waist was sure to leave bruises, and there was no doubt you’d have trouble walking tomorrow. 

The knife would scrape just slightly on your throat, a high pitched whine escaping you as you leaned back- the man growling in your ear at the feeling.

You were dizzy with want, one hand gripping onto whatever part of his body you could get. The other drifted to your clit, your hips bucking backwards as you began to rub circles. 

“There you go,” He groaned in your ear. “Gonna cum on my dick, pretty thing?” 

“Y-yes!” You whined loudly, hoping your neighbors weren’t home. 

“Come on,” Billy encouraged, slamming into you a bit faster. “Cum for me.” He growled, digging his free hand into your skin. 

Your eyes squeezed shut, body shivering as you did exactly what he said. You managed out a weak “Fuck!” before you were cumming, Billy groaning as you squeezed his cock- walls fluttering around him. 

The pleasure rolled over you in waves, nearly dizzying in its intensity. You were a shuddering, moaning mess as you came undone for him. “There you go, sweetheart.” He encouraged, voice sounding strained.

Billy wasn’t far behind, his hips beginning to stutter and pace quickening. He didn’t ask if you wanted him to pull out, instead slamming his cock as deep as he could into you. You could feel the way his cock kicked, emptying into you. 

The knife dropped from his hands, grip loosening a bit as he allowed pleasure to consume him. You were panting, a soft hiss leaving your mouth when he finally pulled out.

“Holy shit,” You breathed, twisting into a more comfortable position. You could feel the slickness in between your thighs worsen, panties ruined and skirt doing little to hide the view. 

Billy removed his mask as the power fluttered back on, giving you a wicked grin.

[luvzpagie]

lunch

“i can eat that girl lunch”

you and kk were always “jokingly” flirting and never more, but this time it was different.

you were completely laid out on her bed, shirt scrunched up. panting and your eyes rolled back.

“kk pleasee” you whined as your so called friend curled her fingers, hitting a spot that made you gasp so loud. the room surrounded with sounds of your wet pussy.

kk began to kiss your inner thigh getting closer your heat. her lips immediately attached to your clit, tongue swirling around it.

“oh my gosh-” you breathlessly moan, hands landing in her hair.

you tug at her hair, she hums at your motion sending vibrations all through out. your eyes rolled as kk replaced her tongue with her thumb, toying with your puffy clit.

“im- im gonnna cum” you look at her to find her eyes already on you, your mouth slightly agape as you feel yourself getting close.

“yea? you gonna cum” she smiled with a cocky expression on her face.

“baby- ah pleasee-” you babble trying to form a sentence, but is over powered by you whines and moans.

“i know, i know”

your breathing got heaver as you the felt the knot in your stomach start to unravel, your hands gripping onto her arm leaving nail indents.

gasps flowed all through the room as you came undone, kk still rubbing circles on your sensitive bud helping you ride out your high.

putting her fingers in her mouth, licking your juices clean off.

kk gets up leaning over, kissing you passionately letting you taste yourself. but you pull away before anything could happen again.

“that was wow” you say trying to catch your breath.

“ yeah, round two!” kk says with excitement all in her voice.

“ what wha-“

“girl hush lay back”

“tastes like she might be the one”

❦.

- ECKK yall i zont know how to feel about this

hope yall enjoyed. PLEASE give feedback !

[lcvecove]

𓈒 ୭ৎ you belong with me 𝅄 ۪ ݁ 𓈒

(fic) — in which will's gf (lauren - sorry if ur named lauren) doesn't treat him right and you're waiting for Will to realize he belongs with you! you could probably already tell but it's based on you belong with me by taylor swift!

𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. will smith x bsf!reader. 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕. fluff. language. 𝒙𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒊. this is a repost that I just edited a bit. need to write more for will asap. as always reblogs and feedback is appreciated and I hope you liked it <3

You open the door to your apartment, kicking your converse off and lining them up neatly on the shoe rack at the front door. You sigh when you see two pairs of shoes lying on the floor, bending down to pick those up and placing them there as well. You immediately go to your room and change into comfy clothes quickly, wearing shorts and a familiar worn out ‘US hockey’ shirt that belonged to your best friend will. A small smile forms on your face when you hear laughter coming from your living room, walking towards the sound and being met with a familiar sight.

Gabe, Ryan and Will lounging on your couch, looking so comfortable anyone would’ve thought it was their apartment.

"Hey, look who's finally here!" Ryan yells and you grab a slice of pizza from the box before taking your seat on the same couch as Will, placing your feet on his lap and his hands automatically fall to your calves, caressing them softly.

"You don't get to complain that I'm late when you two left your shoes laying around again," you say and Will smiles, shaking his head, knowing what a big pet peeve that was for you.

"How do you know it's ours and not Will's?" Ryan asks, throwing a piece of popcorn in will’s direction, only smiling sheepishly when you send him a glare about the mess he’s making

"First of all, I know every pair of shoes he owns and he doesn't own the ones that were laying around. Secondly, Will would never let his shoes get that dirty, it's the pretty boy in him. One speckle of mud and he has to wash them. And lastly, he knows better than that." you say and Will squeezes your knee in retaliation for the "pretty boy" comment, smiling when you kick him in the thigh.

"What are we watching?" you ask

"IT," Gabe answers and you immediately protest.

"Absolutely not," you say and Gabe laughs.

"It's not even that scary." Gabe says

"It's not scary, it's just creepy. I hate clowns, they shouldn't exist, especially not to amuse kids," you mumble and grab a pillow when Gabe starts the movie anyway. It was his turn to pick and if you were gonna make him watch all your movies then you had to watch his.

Movie nights were something you and Will started when you were still in highschool, and the tradition carried on to college. You can't really remember when Gabe and Ryan joined in but they haven't missed one since.

You miss half the movie anyway since your attention is focused solely on Will, as it is most of the time. He looked good tonight, but then again he always looks good. He was wearing grey sweats and a tight fitted white T-shirt, his hair a little messy as if he took a nap earlier and just came over without fixing it. His hand was still absentmindedly tracing patterns on your leg and you shivered when his hand slipped to the inside of your thigh.

"You cold?" he asks and you nod, not wanting him to know you were shivering because of something else.

"C'mere," he says and you move closer as he grabs his hoodie he took off earlier, pulling it over your head.

"Thank you," you say as you cuddle into his side more, his arm around you and hand resting on your hip.

You spend the next thirty minutes or so there, nearly falling asleep when Will's phone rings. You sit up a little as he reaches for his phone, letting out a big sigh as he stands up and answers the call.

"Hey baby," Will answers and your chest tightens at the soft way he speaks to her.

"I'm watching a movie with the boys and—," he says and lets out a big sigh at whatever she's saying.

"Yeah okay, I'll be there soon," Will says and you frown when he starts collecting his stuff.

"Where are you going?" Gabe asks, beating you to it.

"Lauren invited people over to her place tonight and apparently we're hosting together and people have been asking for me," Will explains, grabbing his keys from the coffee table.

"She didn't tell you earlier?" Ryan questions, a frown on his face

"No. I told her I was busy tonight," Will says and Ryan scoffs, shaking his head and giving his friend a disgruntled look

"And she still hosted it tonight? Without you knowing...and now she's telling you to leave and go there?" Gabe asks, trying to get Will to see how weird that is but he just shrugs.

"I don't know man, she probably just forgot. I'm fucking exhausted though. I gotta go," Will says but stops right beside you on his way to the door, bending over so he can speak softly to you.

"You're not upset with me are you? I hate when you're upset with me," Will says, hand playing with the ends of your braid and you shake your head.

"No, it's all good. Do what you gotta do," you say with a smile. one you know he could tell was fake.

"Rain check on movie night? Maybe next week it can be just you and me, like old times. Feel like I haven't spent much time with you since these two are always around. i’ll make it up to you. I promise," Will says, kissing your cheek before making his way out of your apartment. You'd have liked to tell him that it wasn't because of Gabe and Ryan that you guys weren't spending as much time together, it was because of her.

Will met Lauren at the first tailgate you guys had attended at BC, after that they went on a few dates and after a few dates they were together.

It wasn't one of those classic situations where you were in love with your best friend and hated every girl he paid attention to but you. It was about the fact that she treated him terribly, and he deserved so much better. And maybe it did hurt your feelings a little bit that he was dating someone like that. Because if he was dating a girl that gave him all these things that you couldn't because she was just that great then maybe you'd understand why it wasn't you he was dating. But you didn't understand why he would be with someone like Lauren, when you were right here, where you've always been.

"I'm not the only one who doesn't like her right?" Gabe asks when Will is gone.

"I can't stand her. She's so rude and she treats him so badly. I don't know what he sees in her honestly," Ryan says with a frown on his face and they both look at you expectantly.

"I mean as long he's happy I don't have anything to say," you say and both of them scoff

"He's obviously not happy. All of us can see that, you probably most of all with how well you know him," Ryan says and you just flick your attention back to the TV.

"When are you two gonna stop pretending you don't have feelings for each other and just get together?" Gabe asks

"He doesn't have feelings for me, if he did he would have acted on them a long time ago and he certainly wouldn’t be leaving my place to go see his girlfriend," you say, emphasizing the word

"What if he was holding back cause he didn't know if you felt the same way?" Ryan asks and you just shake your head.

"It doesn't even matter now. He's got a girlfriend and whether we like her or not, we still have to respect that," you say, your tone making it clear that you didn't wanna talk about this anymore.

The next time you saw Will was later that week, you were sitting at a table at your favourite café, reading a book when he took the seat across from you.

"What's wrong?" you ask, immediately noting the annoyed expression on his face.

"The beanpot is next week," Will says, as if he didn’t circle it in red on your calendar on the fridge.

"I know. Everyone's been talking about it for weeks, I had four people corner me in the hallway this morning asking if I could hook them up with tickets cause it's already sold out and they know i'm friends with you," you say and Will frowns, taking your hand in his and rubbing circles on your palm with his thumb.

"They cornered you? Who?" he asks, the furrow between his brows deepening

"It doesn't matter, Ryan took care of it, but the point is. . . trust me everyone knows the beanpot's coming up," you say and Will's frown doesn't disappear but he allows you to divert from that topic

"Not everyone apparently. Lauren told her parents l'd be coming up to New York to meet them that weekend," Will says and your jaw drops

"She did not. Why? How can she not know? You've told her like 20 times, you even bought her and her 50 friends tickets to go," you say exasperated and Will sighs shaking his head

"I don't know, but she wants me to tell coach I'm missing it and still go to New York," he says and your jaw drops even further if that's possible

"Oh my God, she's insane. There's no way you'd miss any game, but especially not the beanpot games. You've been dreaming of playing in the beanpot since you were a little kid," you say and Will smiles at you

"Yeah that's what I told her and we got into a pretty big argument about it. It's okay I know she's not that into hockey so maybe she really did just forget," Will says, the frown back on his face

"You're not that into reality TV, or dance, or any of the things she's into really, but you still make time to see her or do those things with her, or at least remember when it happens because what's important to her is important to you. That's just what a good partner does," you say and Will nods

"Yeah, it's fine though," he says but you know him better than that. You can obviously tell it really hurt his feelings that she forgot and then she argued about it with him too? What was he doing with a girl like that?

"For what it's worth, l'm really excited to watch you play in the beanpot. I know you're gonna do amazing and I think it's the coolest thing ever that you get to do something you've dreamed about doing for so long. And I'm so excited to be there and cheer you on," you say and Will grins, bring your hand up to his lips to press a kiss against your palm.

一

Later that night you were laying in bed, watching a show on your laptop, your eyes drooping closed every few seconds before you peeled them open again, when you heard a knock on your door.

"Will, it's the middle of the night, what are you doing here?" you ask as he steps into your apartment, closing the door behind him.

"I called my mom, and I told her about stuff with Lauren and you know what she told me?" he asks and you shake your head, head still a little foggy from your in and out naps.

"She said I'm with the wrong girl. That the right girl would listen to me, and support me, understand me. Make me laugh when I feel like I'm gonna cry. The girl who knows all my favourite songs, and I tell about my dreams. The one who feels like home. So I went to see Lauren, and I broke it off and then I sat there for about three hours because I realised that the girl I'm looking for is you. And I feel like the biggest idiot because you've always been there, and all this time how could I not know that you're the one I belong with. and i’m so sorry," Will says and you take a deep breath trying to keep your tears from falling as you let out a little laugh

"I've been giving you the biggest heart eyes since forever, it's about time you noticed," you joke, and he smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his forehead against yours.

"Well can I be your oblivious boyfriend, instead of your oblivious best friend?" Will asks teasingly and you nod, connecting your lips to his in a soft, long-overdue kiss.

[tyangdoll]

the urge to distract bf!theo from working by sliding under the desk form he works with, bcs he was being mean and not paying you enough attention that you were oh so craving form him, taking his pants off and sucking him off…PLSPLSPSLSPLS

- 💚

taeyang’s startled by the sudden sensation, body tensing at the feeling of you working your mouth around his length. a low groan escaped him, one hand coming to rest on your head to guide you further on his cock as the other grips the edge of the desk. his breathing quickened, hips subtly thrusting into your mouth. as you took him all the way in your throat, he let out a sharp inhale of breath through clenched teeth, the sound a mix of pleasure and restraint, fingers digging into the desk as he tried to control himself. he started to rock his hips more deliberately, fucking your face slowly. “fuck, y/n… just like that…” you took him out of your mouth, slapping his cock on your tongue with a sweet yet mischievous smile on your face. “have i got your attention now, yangie?”

“yes, fuck yes…” his voice was a husky whisper, thick with desire. “you’ve got my full attention now.” his hips continue to buck up, seeking even more of your mouth. he threads his fingers through your hair, holding you in place as he moves. “that’s it, sweetheart. show me how good that mouth of yours is.” his words were filled with dominance and lust, further solidifying his power over you. he thrusts into your mouth harder and faster, the sounds of your gagging and his moans filling the room. you smile as he presses your nose against his pelvis, making it almost too much for him. he feels his climax approaching from the look of joy on your face in submitting to him. “oh fuck, angel…” he moaned, his voice strained. “gonna make me cum if you keep looking up at me all sweet like that…”

────────────────────────

pls comment/rb/send asks with feedback!! this rlly encourages me ♡

[junkpuppet225]

note: Part Six, and scene! 🥵 If you need me I’ll be taking a cold shower. Smut! Yay! strong language and one intense back rub - enjoy! Also thanks for all the awesome feedback- you’re amazing!

The look on Daryl’s face as you stand at his bedroom door that night is hard to describe. Confusion laced with desire and maybe even a hinge of regret. He’s a complicated man.

“Thought ya took that shit back to Olivia.” He mutters, letting his gaze fall to whatever’s in your hand. “Oh, this isn’t for you Dixon.” You assure pushing your way into his bedroom without an invitation as you hand him the tube of lotion and make your way to his bed.

He’s still standing at the door gaping at you as you sit down and pull your oversized shirt over your head. Despite holding the soft material against your breasts he drops the lotion to his feet. “Yer not really gonna make me do this, right?”

The smile you give him sends an ache through the center of his chest as you nod your head, gathering your hair in your hands to pull it to one side of your neck as you wait for him to join you. Hell yeah he’s doing this.

Daryl is still standing at his bedroom door with the tube of lotion you confiscated from the supply Rosita is hoarding at his feet, blue eyes wide and chest unmoving. He’s stopped breathing and although you don’t want him to pass out you don’t really care.

He’s doing this.

You’re not mad at him for keeping his healed shoulder a secret for a few days, you knew it was better by his body language anyway but you do plan on being compensated for your trouble. Plus you’re desperate to feel his hands on you.

…and your neck is still sore from holding it at the wrong angle while working on his motorcycle - AND he ruined your favorite shirt driving through those mud puddles on your ride today so yes, he’s doing this.

You try to hide your smile from him as you remember earlier - both covered in mud and laughing like idiots as you stepped into Carol’s clean kitchen - getting chased off to the showers by the deadly woman. You swear you saw Daryl hesitate for a second before heading to a separate shower and you’ve spent the rest of the evening imagining if he hadn’t.

You snap your head to the left and meet Daryl’s wide eyes, watching him snatch the lotion from the floor and take a small step towards you. “Y/N…,” Your eyes soften as your name rushes from his lungs, he’s stopped moving again with a foot of space still between you. “Not sure how you’re going to do this all the way over there.” Is all you say.

By the time Daryl baby steps his way to the edge of the bed he’s growling low in his throat and you idly wonder if he really doesn’t want to do this. When you outed him for cashing in on extra back rubs he agreed to return the favor idly hoping you’d never mention it again. There’s no fucking way he’s going to be able to touch you like this without losing his fucking mind. A frown forms on your lips as you raise your eyes to him, stopping at the impressive bulge already growing in his sweat pants for only a split second before meeting his gaze. You press your shirt into your chest to try and keep your heart from leaping from your body.

“A deals a deal, Dixon.” You’re not letting him out of this without a fight and to your surprise and possible utter horror he sinks down to the mattress behind you and pops open the tube, squeezing a small amount of lotion on his rough palms and rubs them together - making you find your smile, patiently waiting for him to begin.

“Fuck, this smells good. Hell of a lot better than what you were usin’ on me.”

Your eyes roll but you don’t bother mentioning his was a medicated menthol cream to relieve sore muscles and yours is just a nearly empty tube of expensive vanilla scented lotion with no other purpose other than to make him extremely uncomfortable.

“Right? I thought I was going to have to cat fight with Rosita to borrow it. She has like four different ones in her room.” Daryl swallows a groan as the image of you and Rosita going at it flashes in his head suddenly. Fuck.

He still hasn’t touched you, watching you with a pained expression as you scoot back on the bed until you’re settled between his thighs with his palms hovering over your shoulders nervously.

Kissing you was one thing, a thing neither of you have mentioned since it happened but this… “f-fuck”, he swallows hard and finally places his warm hands against your skin - moving his thumbs in small careful circles. Thirty seconds in and he’s pulling away from you quickly, assuring you he kept his word as you turn your head and glare at him. “Seriously?!” Daryl can only stare at you holding his breath to keep out the way the vanilla lotion mixes with your own sweet scent - silently begging his dick to go away. A puff of exasperation rushes from your lungs as you turn your back to him and begin gathering your shirt in your hands to put it back on.

It’ll be a cold day in hell before you rub his back again, which isn’t true at all. Daryl Dixon could order you to crawl to him and you’d fall to your knees without question - but he doesn’t need to know that. Just as you’re about to pull your shirt over your head you feel his rough hands against the nape of your neck again - working the tense muscles loose as he brings you closer to his chest.

“T-there you go.” The archer only growls in response, causing you to giggle at his ire as you assure him after this you’ll be square. The only problem is he doesn’t want to be square with you so he plans on giving you the best fucking back massage of your life so you’ll continue this tit for tat shit forever.

He can do this. It’s just rubbing your back for a few minutes. Surely you don’t expect him to do it for as long as you did? Putting him to sleep like a fucking baby for the past week. He focuses on the curve of your neck as his fingers dig into your tight muscles - receiving a soft groan in approval that makes his cock jerk in his sweatpants. “…f-fuck me.” He growls, tightening his hands along your back as your head falls forward and he focuses on the freckles that dot your shoulder. “Hmm?”

“N-nothin’.” His voice cracks like he’s a teenager causing you to giggle softly before you’re groaning from his touch again and just like when he was a teenager he’s begging any god that will listen to keep him from coming in his fucking pants.

Only a few more minutes and you’ll be satisfied, he assures himself - eyes closing with his own muffled groan as you sink further into his chest. You’re nearly in his lap now, the hair that always falls into his eyes brushing against the back of your neck as he bows his head and really begins to pray.

His hands slow as they grasp at your rutting hips, thumbs kneading into your lower back as your breath catches in your throat making him press his face to the back of your head - quietly begging you to stop squirmin’. “S-sorry…, feels really good…” Eight seconds more is all he can take. “Goddamnit Y/N…”

You’re entire body is humming with pleasure as Daryl growls at your back, letting his skilled fingers drop between you as a soft sigh of satisfaction rushes from your parted lips and you turn your face to thank him.

You lift your eyes to his slowly, pupils blowing wide as you meet his dark gaze that sends a shiver of pleasure straight to your core. There’s a storm brewing in these ocean eyes as he watches you - fighting, and losing an inner battle with himself as you let your gaze wash over him. From his dark unruly hair that falls over his forehead back to his tortured gaze, lingering on his parted lips as they take in deep needed breaths that make his chest rise quickly. You idly hear your name roll off his tongue with a deep growl as you continue down his torso, appreciating the way his worn t-shirt clings to his abs - riding up just enough to expose that soft patch of hair that disappears under the band of his sweatpants. The room is to quite, the rush of your labored breaths matching his as he straightens his back and closes the space between the two of you slowly - afraid if he moves to suddenly you’ll disappear like a doe he’s tracking, his eyes dilated and full of desire as brushes a hand against your jaw - sinking rough fingers into your hair then sliding them to the back of your neck, bringing your lips to his.

When he kisses you it feels like you’ve been struck by lightening - brining you to life as you clutch your shirt against your chest with one hand and rake the other into the back of his hair, moaning into his mouth as he pulls you forward so you can straddle his lap.

You stopped at his happy trail when you were ogling him a moment ago, afraid of what you may find if your eyes kept going but now you can feel every thick inch of him against the thin material of your lounge shorts making you sink into him further as he tightens his fingers in your hair - his tongue never leaving your mouth.

Neither of you mentioned the kiss you shared in the quiet of Aaron’s garage eariler, chalking it up to too much testosterone surrounded by power tools and gasoline but this kiss is nothing like that kiss. This kiss is desperate and pleading, it’s sloppy and demanding and the groan that escapes Daryl’s throat is damn near primal as he jerks his face from yours quickly - pulling air into his spent lungs. You rest your forehead against his as you try to catch your breath - mind racing as his lips graze yours and your fingers sink into his hair.

“Daryl?”

He’s back to grunting like a caveman, still out of breath with his eyes closed tightly. Whatever you say next will break him either way, making him grasp at your rutting hips as they grind slowly against him - chasing that incredible friction that’s making it hard to breathe.

“Do you…, w-want to?” You can only hope he’s picking up what you’re putting down because despite how good this feels your chest is flooding with anxiety - heart hammering at the idea of being with him. Daryl’s still losing that inner battle, he knows if this goes any further there’s no coming back from it but if he stops now there will be no living with himself.

“Y-yeah.” He finally grunts, the word lingering in the air a moment longer before you’re kissing him again. This time you don’t stop - letting your discarded shirt fall away as he reaches behind himself and pulls his own over his head the way guys do - keeping his eyes locked on yours as you lean back to slide your shorts down your legs.

When you’re laid back before him completely exposed - cheeks flushed pink and breathing hard he crawls to his knees before you and leans into your kiss, working his sweatpants off with one hand as the other grasps at your waist - rough palm gripping soft skin as he brushes his thumb along the swell of your breast, swallowing your soft moans. Fuck, he’s not gonna last ten seconds inside of you - fisting his now freed cock in his right hand as you allow yourself a quick peek - eyes going wide as his eyebrows pull together in concern. “W-what?” He follows your gaze to his hand - his right thumb mirroring his left as he brushes it over the wide head slick with his own desire - swallowing his own groan.

“You’re r-really big.”

“Fucking hell, Y/N…” Daryl whimpers, a sharp - strangled noise as his dick jerks in his hand. Ten seconds inside of you would have been a prayer answered but he’ll be lucky to last two now. The emotion that fills your chest as he lifts his pleading eyes to yours is nearly your undoing, grasping the back of his hair as you bring him to your parted lips and beg him to go slow before crashing your mouth to his. Daryl groans into your kiss, running the head of his cock along your soaked slit as that strangled noise rushes from his chest again and he sinks into you, causing your nails to dig into his shoulders as your head falls back to the bed with a gasp.

“…f-fuck…” You’re so fucking tight he has to slow his thrusts so you can stretch around him - wide eyes watching carefully as he gives you another inch. “…you alright?” The words are barely audible as he pushes further - bringing a deep moan from your chest as your eyes close and he brings his face down to yours. “…u-use your words…, don’t want t’hurt ya…” Another soft moan rushes from your lungs as you nod your head and whisper how good it feels.

“…fuck yeah it does…, takin’ me so good…”

Your nails rake into the back of his hair, causing his own groan to pass between you as he begins to move - sinking into you deeply as he kisses a wet trail down your neck, cussing against your jugular as you tighten further around him. You are completely void of all coherent thought as his teeth graze your throat - thrusting into you with desperate grunts as fireworks detonate behind your eyes, bringing your back off the bed as he slides an arm under your hips and fucks into you deeply.

When he lifts his eyes to yours again he’s taken back at how beautiful you are, pupils blown wide before closing tightly - nails biting into his back as the prettiest sounds fall from your lips. Daryl groans your name against your throat, bruising your hips with his calloused hands. “…m’gonna cum…” You bring his face back to yours, kissing his parted lips before pleading for him to come inside of you. “…f-fuck…” He does just that - emptying himself deep as he rests his forehead against yours and tries to pull air into his lungs.

“…t-that was…”

There’s too many words in the English dictionary to describe what that was but he mumbles an appropriate adjective against your temple as you sink a hand into the back of his hair, raking your fingers into the strands in that perfect way that has his eyes growing heavy a moment later.

“…will ya stay in here with me tonight?” Daryl manages to say, each word coming out slower than the last as you nod and bring his head to your chest - your racing heart and soothing fingers lulling him into a deep post-orgasm sleep.

X

You wish you could say you and Daryl lived Happily Ever After after that first night together but the second thing you’ve learned in this dying world is Daryl Dixon is as loyal as he is stubborn so just like you said, he eventually goes back to being Rick’s right hand - putting himself in the middle of the danger for the good of the group but every now and then, when he meets your eyes from the rim of your early morning coffee cup you know you hold his heart in your hands.

…and anytime he needs one of your world famous massages all he has to do is ask.

[onlyswan]

dreamboat | jjk (2)

summary: aboard the dreamboat, jungkook finds himself drawn to a beautiful stranger who appears to be drowning in melancholy. weeks later, he sees her face on the other side of the aquarium at his apartment building’s lobby. he soon learns that it’s not fate’s grand romantic plans that brought you back to his life. / (alt.) / a shipwreck and a dreamboat form an unusual bond in an aquarium.

non!idoljk x f!reader (jk is a business major who works at the amusement park ; oc works at the call center) / strangers to lovers / fluff, angst, suggestive / chapter wc: 15.9k / total fic wc: 30.8k

warnings/content (for full fic): is it an onlyswan fic if nobody cries? ; smoking ; making out ; mention of nude art ; mention of flashing ; panic attack ; a ghost cameo lol ; s*x scandal ; abuse of authority ; harrassment ; jk throws a punch once ; oc drives a motorbike without a helmet once ; vminjin + yeontan cameos :3 ; tae and jk are the same age tho

<- part one (wc: 14.9k) | spotify playlist (open to song recs <3)

note: yaaay full fic is out 🥹💕 i’ve been so attached to these two for the past month i’m gonna miss them sm :( reblogs and feedback are appreciated i’d love to hear your thoughts 🥺 p.s. it does get pretty heavy so pls take care of urself while reading 🫂 hugs and kisses

—

jungkook lets out a big yawn, removing his glasses so he can wipe off the sleepy tears from his eyes. his phone pings with new text messages and he peers down at the table to read them. 

  01:18am

stop texting.

why are you still awake? you have that big presentation tomorrow. 

you need your brain functioning at full capacity so you can answer the prof’s questions.

he types out his response.

  01:20am

i want to sleep too but i’m not yet done practicing 🥲

if you’re on a mission to make him fall hopelessly in love, it would be safe to say that you’re succeeding. instead of being a distraction, here you are showing concern for his health and motivating him about his studies. he’s not used to having this kind of dynamic with the people he likes. usually he’d be stubborn and stay on his phone, but he puts it down so he can refocus on his slides. he’s excited to do his presentation well and gush about it with you at the end of the day.

twenty minutes later, a rapping at the door disrupts his concentration. 

“he better not be drunk.” he grumbles on his way to the door.

no one else would disturb him at this time but taehyung. 

but it’s not taehyung.

it’s you. 

“i didn’t wake you, did i?” 

“no, no- i was still-” he takes a glimpse at his messy desk. “practicing for the presentation… uhm, i thought you were at work?”

“we don’t have work today.”

you nonchalantly bring out a glass full of green goop from your back, encouraging him to take it.

“here, drink this.”

he stares at it in bewilderment as he slowly accepts it. “what’s this?”

“bedtime smoothie.” 

you sense his disgust and foreboding.

“there’s bananas and cherry juice in there.”

that knowledge emboldens him to take a sip. he licks off the mustache it leaves on top of his lips. “hmm, not bad!” 

“i told you so.” you send him a tight-lipped smile which disappears in two seconds. “do you want some help practicing?”

“oh, that’s right.” his eyes widen. “you’re good at speaking!”

he steps aside so you can pass through the narrow entrance. 

“please come in.”

jungkook is compelled to make himself clear. he hasn’t invested on a shelf. never found the time. his room may look like a mess to an outsider’s eyes but he has an organized system and he’s incredibly resourceful. 

“jungkook… you can’t live like this.”

is it that bad?

his jaw slacks when you pick up a plastic bag on the floor and begin throwing in the scattered empty cans and bottles of caffeine on and around his desk, including the one he hasn’t finished drinking yet. that— he won’t win defending.

“you’ll die at this rate.” you rebuke him calmly. “do you even drink water?” 

“of course i do!” he proceeds to drink the smoothie you made for him. “but you drink a lot of coffee too.”

“not anymore,” you head to his fridge after dumping the plastic bag in the trash. “i’m already adjusted to my job… i’m taking these.”

you bring out the two remaining cans of energy drinks and stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie. 

“you can’t just take them!”

you ignore his protest. “is the smoothie good? you like it, right?”

his shoulders deflate in defeat. he takes another gulp and swallows, nodding happily. “i like it.” 

“then i’ll make you an energy-boosting one when you need it. i received fruit baskets at work. they’d only go bad if i try to eat everything alone.” 

“sounds like a sweet deal,” he grins. 

he’s definitely not complaining. the artificial flavoring of the energy drinks pale in comparison to the real thing. 

“okay, let’s get started then.” you pad over to his desk. 

you hand him his laptop which is displaying his powerpoint before making yourself comfortable on his chair. 

he stands infront of you awkwardly. “we’re really doing this?”

“we are,” you reply curtly, sinking further into the chair. it’s a pretty big chair, even for him. it’s endearing to see you play around with it. “are you nervous? you can’t be nervous.”

“i’m not,” he lies. “i’m a professional!” 

you have no idea that you make him more nervous than having forty other people in the same room. 

he sighs. “hold this for me then.”

you take the glass into your hands, sipping a little. he clears his throat and pretends that didn’t affect him at all. 

“okay, let’s start… good mor-”

“wait-” you shake your head, demandingly waving your hand to the right. “wrong slide.”

—

 

“where are you? i thought you were going to help me with my project?” 

jimin, a friend he met through a school organization two years ago, begins coughing dramatically over the phone. “jungkook, i’m sorry. i’m feeling under the weather.”

jungkook grimaces, stopping on his tracks to berate him. “hyung, i can hear the dj music!”

“ah, yes…” he can practically hear the wheels in jimin’s brain turn. “actually, i’m about to leave the club! since i’m not feeling so well.”

“wow,” he huffs out a laugh. “you’re really terrible.”

“i’m serious! let’s reschedule tomorrow. i’ll buy you dinner so we can catch up too.” 

“fine,” he blows a loud breath. 

“i love you, jungkook-ah.” jimin proclaims with exaggerated affection. 

he makes a noise of disgust. “you’re really drunk.”

“oh, why aren’t you saying it back?” jimin angrily questions him. 

“maybe i will, after you buy me food.” 

“okay,” jimin cackles. “i’ll see you tomorrow then.” 

“okay, goodbye.”

he drops the call, still uncertain whether jimin was lying or not. either way, he gets a free meal and he no longer feels the need to complain.

he shrugs and continues his journey home. 

that is until he inhales the unmistakable scent of smoke from the alleyway. 

again, it could be anybody, but there’s a peculiar feeling that won’t let him move forward. deja vú is what they call it. it is often described as bittersweet, but jungkook is nervous. scared even. 

he doesn’t want his gut feeling to be right. 

he knows what your sobs sound like, their effect on him and his heart that is awfully weak when it comes to you, but he wants to be wrong so badly. 

right then and there, jungkook faces a dilemma.

those who hide do not want to be found. 

he has the choice to keep walking, pretend that he was never here. that it doesn’t hurt him to walk away. he can do what he failed to do the first time and not jump in to interpret your crying as a cry for help. 

he stands there like a fool waiting for the stars to spell out the correct answer for him to read. 

unfortunately for him, life doesn’t work that way and there isn’t even one to wish upon. 

you flicked his forehead and erased his memories. if he makes the same mistake twice, then maybe he can use that as an excuse to lessen the burden of regret. 

—

 

you flinch and lift your head in fear when something bumps against your knee, but that fear soon morphs into an entirely new fear when you perceive the person sitting infront of you. 

your bloodshot eyes make out jungkook’s features in the dim light. 

you’re no stranger to that look. you know what you look like. the cigarette tastes terrible, it doesn’t smell better with liquor either. there are teardrops on the ground and your sobs are caught in your throat and they come out as hiccups. you wouldn’t even dare to call yourself a mess, because scattered pieces of a broken whole float on the surface and sometimes miraculously wash ashore. you’re at the rock bottom being eaten alive and you’re not going anywhere else. 

“just walk away,” you croak out, pushing him away with the hand not holding the cigarette. 

he doesn’t budge. you don’t know if it’s because you’re too weak or he’s too strong. 

“i can’t leave you like this.” 

“you can,” you argue. 

“you don’t have to be alone. i’m here.” 

he holds your arms, coaxing you to recognize the sincerity in his eyes. those wide doe eyes, always shining when you reflect on their irises. you wish they could stay that way forever. you wish you could be at peace with that. 

“you can confide in me. you can use me. whatever you need to feel better. ____, please.” 

“you can’t help me.” you bluntly assert. before he begins begging. before he says more swoon-worthy words that would break down the walls you’ve built. “i appreciate the thought, but nothing you can do will make this better.” 

god knows that you’re yearning to hear them, but you still don’t know how much of it you can trust.  

“maybe i can!” he interjects. desperately. his grip on you tightens a little. it steadies your body as your mind and heart fall apart, but you feel suffocated. 

“jungkook, i don’t want to fight right now.” 

“if you just let me try, ____. i’m here for you. i swear i won’t pass judgement or-”  

“you can’t! okay? you can’t!” you break down, uncontrollable sobs making your words less coherent. “you’re just wasting your time!” 

with every morsel of strength you have left, you force yourself to stand up. an unnamed object clatters on the ground and you shove jungkook to the ground without meaning to. 

a combination of hurt and shock flashes across his face. you become racked with guilt.

however, this is what you wanted. this is for the best. you’re supposed to live a quiet life and not get too close with anyone, but you don’t cause a person this type of pain, and you don’t feel this guilty about it, if your hearts were never intertwined. 

you should be the one to walk away. 

every step you take to escape from him is heavy. you’re confused by the contradictions between your mind and heart and the last thing you need right now is confusing. what else can you do but run? 

jungkook wraps his arms around you from behind, stopping you on your tracks. 

“what are you doing?” 

the world stops for a little while.

“let g- let me go!” 

you struggle out of his embrace, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t disappointed he let you go so easily. 

“you think a hug’s going to make me feel better and fix my life? are you that naive…? wow, i envy you. if it was that easy, i wouldn’t be at this fucking dumpster with you!”

maybe you’re even angry that he did, pounding away at his chest with rigid fists to break his heart too. your throat is painful and rough from screaming but the thought of losing your voice doesn’t occur to you. apparently, you don’t care that you’re burning your lungs either. the world may very well end at this moment because that’s what it feels like. you have nothing left to lose but this vessel— and this vessel is heavy, worn-out, and incurable. 

you’re an overflowing sink of adrenaline rush, shaking and tearing apart at the seams.

“i never would’ve ruined my hair with this- this stupid color. i wouldn’t be getting cursed at by bigoted strangers because they hate my accent…” 

your forehead collapses on jungkook’s chest. a string of sobs follow the words that were forcefully uttered against your better judgment. you would’ve been fine after a smoke and a good cry, not processing anything so you can settle with being numb instead of jaded. 

“i’d still be studying. i’d become a doctor. i wouldn’t give a fuck about fishes and what they can and can’t eat.” 

—

 

for the first time, your laugh stabs him in the chest instead of making his heart flutter. 

“i’d be living a good life not being bombarded by someone who-” you hit his chest with every word spoken with gritted teeth. “wants to be the fucking hero. i don’t need you!” 

there’s no way. you don’t mean that. you’re just angry. jungkook convinces himself in his head as he openly takes the hits. he did say you could confide in him—use him—and you’re doing it right now. he just didn’t know he’d have to grow thicker skin on the spot to be what you need.

your icy glare pierces through him and renders him motionless. 

“you can’t do anything, so please, don’t feel bad for me.” you sneer. “it’s making me feel bad for you.” 

—

 

you’ve stormed off and jungkook stays right where you left him, wiping away his tears. the last time he cried was when his ex-girlfriend broke up with him. that was over a year ago, it only dawns on him now. 

you’ve been the only person in his mind since that one sunny june day. 

where he stands, the autumn winds are getting colder and the winter is fast approaching. 

just as fast your lives were weaved into a blooming wildflower did it also begin to wither. 

jungkook does want to save you, but he doesn’t want to be a hero. after all the time you’ve spent together, do you sincerely see him as someone who values self-interest most of all? the truth did come out, the snide truth, a bitter pill he can’t swallow. you don’t want to be here. he can’t save you. it can’t be possible when he’s part of the picture you can’t stomach to look at. 

“hyung,” he tries to be strong but his voice wavers, echoing the wretched state of him. “are you still at the club?” 

“i’ll turn on my location.” jimin responds without question, which jungkook is thankful for. “call me when you’re near. be safe, got it?”

“yes, hyung,” he ends the call. 

he inhales sharply, hoping that would alleviate the weight on his chest and allow him to move his feet. the heavy smell of burnt chemicals still hangs in the air. even after everything, he’s envious of the discarded stick of drug on the ground for having touched your lips. 

jungkook turns to leave, but is interrupted by a small object caught underneath his shoe. he picks it up for inspection— a blue lighter hand painted with a goldfish. 

he doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

—

 

you woke up with a pounding headache, burdened with immense regret you assume. you deserve it. you don’t remember the exact words you said but you only scream when you don’t know what you’re talking about. you pushed away the only person who cared enough to sit with you in the dark. the line between right and wrong is blurring. you don’t know what you’re doing with your life anymore, if you’re doing anything so that it could be heading somewhere.  

you thought life couldn’t possibly get worse, but here you are anxiously nibbling at your nails as you wait for a man to reply to your texts because you’re scared of losing him.

  08:25am

jungkook i'm sorry about what happened last night i never meant to act that way and hurt you. i was out of my mind

i know you really care about me and i'm grateful for that

please forgive me

  09:13am

[attached image]

you gaze wistfully into the aquarium. the fishes swim around with considerably more energy after their breakfast, and it drives you to wonder if jungkook fed them dinner. last night was the first night you received no messages from jungkook, not even an image alone. 

“i think i fucked it up with your dad.”  

you spot dahlia, and clementine, and coral, and tangerine… blissfully unaware of you drowning in misery.

accordingly, the wildcard emerges from the shipwreck. it swims to you, the glass acting as the barrier that prevents it from kissing your nose. 

it doesn’t do this to jungkook, so you like to think that you’re special. you feel guilty that you failed to treat it the same.

“poor thing,” you hang your head in shame, sniffling. “we haven’t even named you yet.”

—

 

you learned from the new security guard on the night shift that jungkook requested for her to take over feeding for the meantime. three more days pass without any sign or trace of him, and yet you still send him your good morning pictures and you hang out at the lobby waiting for him to come home. 

he has to come home soon. 

he still lives here… right?

  11:47pm  

how long will you ignore me?  

where are you? i'll come to you   

please, let’s talk

 

you jolt on your seat when your phone vibrates with a ping!

  12:01am

jungkook:

meet me at the rooftop

 

you are charged with joy and relief as much as confusion. 

there’s… a rooftop? 

—

 

you stand at the door staring at jungkook’s back, gathering all courage to face him despite your shame eating away at you.

“i didn’t know tenants were allowed here.”

“we’re not,”

he looks back at you, and surprisingly enough, his charming smile melts away your anxiety. you can’t tell if that’s a good thing or bad thing. it’s not right for you to fall in love.

“why are you still standing there?” he chuckles. he sits on a low table with his legs crossed, feet tucked beneath his thighs. he pats the space next to him. “here, sit.” 

with a nod, you close the door behind you. you sit beside him, but with considerable distance, like the first time you sat next to each other. 

“the view is quite nice.”

in consideration of the time, you didn’t expect so many lights. they look like shining stars from where you are, only that you can actually reach for them if you try. you even spot a ferris wheel. although, you’re not certain if it’s from the amusement park jungkook works at.

“it is, isn’t it?”

“do you go up here often?”

“not since the aquarium became our spot.” 

our spot.

you smile to yourself, eyes falling on your lap as you mindlessly fiddle with your fingers. 

“i’m sorry… for what happened.” you pause to swallow the lump in your throat, breathing shakily. 

as ever, it’s difficult to apologize to someone and agree that there are dispensable parts of you. you’re scared that you might cry again infront of him. it never ends well. 

“i-i was having a bad day, and i didn’t want to drag you down with me. but i got overwhelmed by my emotions and i said words i didn’t mean. you didn’t deserve that. i’m sorry.” 

“hey, i understand.” he replies kindly. “it’s also my fault.”

“no, it’s not.” you jump in, not being able to stand him taking blame. “you’re a really good person, jungkook.”

he shakes his head. “i should’ve backed off when you told me to leave.” 

“but i do like being with you.” 

“and you mean that?”

he gazes at you with those endearing doe eyes. you look somewhere else to quell the funny feeling in your heart. 

“of course i do.”

jungkook crosses the distance between you, teasingly bumping his shoulder against yours. “i like being with you too.”

just an hour ago you thought you’d lost him, now he’s here effortlessly making you laugh. perhaps you do take life too seriously, submissive to fear. you weren’t always like this. you wish you could unlearn the new way that you function. 

“so do you forgive me or should i grovel more?” 

“i forgive you.” he rolls his eyes. “i’m not that mean.” 

“apparently i’m the mean one between us.”

“you are,” he chuckles, leaning back and balancing himself with his hands anchored behind on the table. 

for some sick reason, this new position of his leaves you hot and bothered. thankfully, you’ve mastered the art of maintaining a calm demeanor. albeit, it’s not always that you use it for this reason.

“you seriously hurt my feelings back there, you know that?”

“i’m so sorry. i’m really, really sorry.” you apologize more expressively within the more comfortable space the both of you created. “…when is your birthday?”

his forehead wrinkles in confusion at the random question. “why?”

“you’re my friend.” you point out. “we should know these things at least.”

“it’s on september one.” 

“what?!” 

he blinks innocently. “what?” 

“it’s already november!” you point out, taken aback by the fact that you totally missed it. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“you were busy with work. besides, it wasn’t a big deal. i just had beer and meat with my friends.” he shrugs, brushing it off. “when’s yours?”

you rise on your feet, dust off your bottom, and begin marching towards the door.

“where are you going…? yah, ____!”

“i need to do something.” you vaguely inform him, waving your hand. “stay there! wait for me!” 

—

 

“what’s taking so long?” jungkook thinks out loud, scratching his head. 

it’s been fifteen minutes since you left. you couldn’t have forgotten about him already, could you? that might hurt him worse than when you were screaming and punching his chest. he slept over at taehyung’s dorm for a few nights, hoping to find some peace and clarity within a different space, but he was pretty much ready to forgive you when you texted him to apologize, then followed it up with a photo of coral eating. however, taehyung went on and on about his wounded pride, and maybe he did want to see you grovel and feel that he is at some level of importance to you. 

he perks up when the door opens and your head pops out of nowhere, peeking. when did you put on a cap and face mask? did you go out? anyway, you’re so cute, he gushes to himself. 

“close your eyes!” 

“why would i do that?”

“just do it!” you demand with an angry pout. 

“okay, okay- fine!” he surrenders. “i’m closing them now.” 

“no peeking. i see your eyelashes moving.”

“how do you even see from there?!” 

he hears your scoff and the clicking of your shoes as you walk. “you’re not sleek, you know?” 

a series of rustling. a mystery object placed on the table. he gets a whiff of your perfume, powdery and fruity sweet, the next second, you’re tying a silk scarf over his eyes. 

“what’s happening?” he laughs nervously. 

he knows that is not what’s happening, but the impure thoughts enter his mind anyway. 

“i need a minute.” 

you sit beside him, your knee bumping against his. he hears more movements take place. 

“can i remove it now?”

“i said a minute.”

he frowns impatiently. “a minute has passed though.”

“no, it hasn’t.” you counter. “now hush and cover your ears.”

“cover my ears?” he repeats to make sure he heard you correctly.

“yes!”

“why?” he whines. “what is this about?”

“just do it, please?” you plead with him sweetly, covering his ears with your hands as if to demonstrate. 

and since he’s already too deep into this, he obeys your third instruction. he puts his hands over yours, and then you slip away, leaving him covering his ears the way that you wanted. 

“okay, you can look now!”

jungkook removes the scarf over his eyes, and discovers a sight so beautiful, he wants to cry that he can’t permanently capture it in a polaroid. 

this is the first time he’s seeing you in this light, the warm orange glow of birthday candles that paints you spellbinding golden. you’re beaming at him, with a rare smile that reaches your eyes, as you hold up a round chocolate cake topped by fresh strawberries.  

just when he thought it was impossible to fall in love with you harder, you begin singing the happy birthday song. instead of clapping, you sway your body ever so slowly and gracefully. what is arguably considered the jolliest song on earth, you transform into a soft lullaby— the kind that flies you to the night sky and tucks you into bed on the moon, gathers the fluffy clouds and handcrafts them into pillows and a blanket. your voice is light and delicate, sweet as candy. it is an instrument on its own and you do not need anything else. he never knew you were a good singer.

“happy birthday, dear jungkook~ happy birthday to you…” 

this is his best birthday yet, and it’s not even his actual birthday. 

jungkook is stupidly and hopelessly in love with you. 

he welcomes doom, hangs its coat, and pours it a hot cup of tea. 

“i hope you like chocolate. i fought someone for this.” you shyly confess with a laugh. “turns out there’s not many bakeries open at midnight.”

he is speechless. 

his gaze falls on your lap for a moment, where lies an opened plastic clamshell container, two strawberries too small compared to the ones decorating the cake. on the table, a fruit knife sits on top of the cake box. 

you even decorated the bare sides of the cake with half strawberries. he doesn’t think he has seen someone do that yet.  

“i- i like it so much.” he stutters. “you made the cake so pretty.” 

“thank you!” you beam at the compliment. “okay, time to make a wish.” 

he panics a little. he doesn’t know if it’s only a personal or perhaps a universal thing, but he tends to feel pressured when he has to make a birthday wish. he always wants a lot of things. 

“five candles means ‘i’m sorry and happy birthday’ by the way.”

but there is five candles, so maybe he is free to be greedy this time. 

he slowly flutters his eyes shut, and he takes his time to think. after whispering his wish to the universe, he blows out all of the candles. 

“what did you wish for?” 

there is five candles, but he only wished for one thing. 

“if i tell you…” he begins, transfixed eyes tracing down to your lips. “will you make it come true?” 

they part slightly as your chest begins to heave, cranberry stained and inviting. 

he yearns, he craves. he doesn’t want to live with regrets, haunted by the what if’s. all or nothing. you deserve his all. he surrenders everything to your court for the touch of your lips. 

are you thinking what he’s thinking? do you feel the way he does? 

tell him he’s not the only one losing his mind. please. 

and when your eyes lock, there is a palpable electricity none of you can deny. 

“it’s for your birthday. you don’t have to ask.” 

again, the best birthday ever.

without another word, he crosses the short distance, pressing his lips against yours. 

there is no fireworks like in the movies and fairytales. instead, he gets flashes of memories in his mind. all those awkward and comfortable moments, stolen glances, blushing and stuttering, captured images, sleepless nights, tears shed. even the bitter memories inserted make this kiss much sweeter. it’s infinitely better than he could’ve ever imagined. 

he removes his hand tenderly cupping your cheek, also the other that is anchored on the table, blindly searching until he successfully engulfs your delicate hands in his. he holds them, and the board carrying the cake, tightly. 

when you smile against his lips, so does he. you give him a firm peck, so hot that he almost falters on his seat, before breaking away. 

“let’s put this aside first.” you giggle, guiding your restless hands to set it down on the table. “you have chocolate all over your hand.” 

jungkook can hear you, but he’s not listening. he immediately goes for your lips again, and ends up sorely disappointed when you dodge him. 

“whoa, wait. you’ll smear chocolate on my face-”

“you said i don’t have to ask.” he argues.

you narrow your eyes at him.

he hurries with a solution. “i’ll keep my hands behind my back.” and true to his words, he acts as if his hands have been cuffed. 

“that works,” you shrug. 

he is to blame for his nasty torture when you drag yourself closer to him, draping your legs over his thighs and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

you’re practically sitting on his lap and he can’t touch you with his dirty hands. ridiculous.

there is the urge to complain, then lost and forgotten after you seal his lips with yours. he is the luckiest man on earth tonight.

—

 

“will you stay the night?”

jungkook’s cheeks are beginning to ache, but he can’t stop smiling for the life of him. how could he not? you’re lying on his bed, and this time you’re both under the covers. it can’t be more perfect than this, the way you’re mirroring each other. he’s admiring your face and you haven’t averted your eyes from his either. 

at this moment, it feels like nothing else in the world matters.

“if i’m being honest, i’m still scared of the ghost.”

“is he bothering you again?” he quirks an eyebrow, prepared to brawl with a bothersome spirit. he is suddenly aware that the lamp is the only source of light in the apartment. “do we turn on another light?”

“no,“ you chuckle at his reaction. “but he appeared in my dream once after that.”

“what about me?”

“you?” you send him a puzzled look.

he grins toothily. “do i appear in your dreams?”

that earns him a sarcastic roll of the eyes. 

“why is it suddenly about you?”

“i’m helping you get your mind off the ghost!”

“can we just… i don’t know…” you avoid his intense gaze, chewing on your bottom lip. “cuddle?”

this is real, right? he isn’t hallucinating? 

he already made out with you until the two of you couldn’t breathe. surely, cuddling is nothing compared to that… but he has pined for you for months. going from zero to a hundred is giving him emotional motion sickness. like a rollercoaster, but arguably more dangerous. and he shamelessly lives for that. 

“oh, so you got mad at me last week for hugging you but now you want to cuddle?” he mocks humorously. 

“change is the only constant in life.” you say as a matter of fact.

and jungkook isn’t very fond of that knowledge, but if it led you to his arms tonight, then he can try to make peace with it. 

he spreads his arms, and you push yourself close with an arm over his waist, until you’re properly hugging him and he has your body cocooned with his. 

he breathes out a sigh. this is heaven.

“so? have you dreamt of me?”

you make a noise of protest, cheek squished against his chest.

“come on, humor me.” he coaxes you into revelation. “it’s my birthday.”

“…we went on a ferris wheel once.“

“really? were we on a date?”

“i don’t remember.”

“what were we doing?” he continues poking.

“i don’t remember.”

“that’s it?” he grumbles. “you must remember something else.”

you giggle. “it was a long time ago, jungkook.”

“and you didn’t dream of me again after that?”

“stop,” you draw back just enough to see his face. “we have more important things to discuss.” 

jungkook gulps nervously. 

more important things like what? the meaning of that kiss…? um, kisses? the label of your relationship? are you really bringing it up right away like this? he imagined he would be the one to do it. 

“there’s one fish left without a name.”

oh… his face falls. 

“have you thought of one?”

“i have, but…” you jut out your bottom lip. “don’t we decide together?” 

beneath the stoic demeanor you parade around wearing, he realizes that you’re just like everybody else, craving to be held and to spend quality time with someone who makes you feel special. 

he doesn’t hold back on kissing you.

“we will!” he pinches your cheek, which brings out your smile. “i’ll tell you what i think.”

“that goldfish actually reminds me of you.”

“really?” 

you nod eagerly.

“how so?” 

“the both of you,” you giggle. “always follow me around.”

his jaw falls slack, not expecting to be called out like that. you’re having fun with the fact that he’s wrapped around your finger, huh?

“so you want to name it after me?” 

“something like that, but let’s make your name sound cute.”

you hum as the gears in your brain turn. on the other hand, jungkook is not thinking at all, he’s memorizing your face. maybe it’s an artist’s sickness aggravated when faced with the apple of their eye. 

“jung… kook…” you take a long pause, lips left in the shape ‘O’ due to the pronunciation of his name. “kook…?”

“you know, i do get called jungkookie sometimes.”

“jungkookie…?” you slowly repeat the nickname. 

seconds later, your face lights up. 

“then how about kookie? cookie but with-” you draw the letter into the thin air using your index finger. “a ‘k’?” 

jungkook is relieved that you instantly put two and two together. he didn’t want to be the one to suggest it. honestly, rather than a cute vibe, he’s going for the manly vibe. 

“it sounds so cute. what do you think?”

“i think so too!” 

as long as it makes you look this happy, he’d accept any name that you come up with. 

“okay, it’s official.” you return to cuddling up to him. “i can sleep peacefully from now on.” 

was that bothering you? you truly do care for them. he thinks you might care more than he does. 

“let’s sleep…” 

before closing his eyes, he plants an affectionate kiss on top of your head. the truth is he doesn’t want to sleep. if it was up to him, this moment would stretch into forever. as you slip into unconsciousness, he tries his damn hardest to resist it. he yawns, wipes his sleepy tears dry on the pillowcase, caresses your hair and forces his hand to move again when it falls on the bed. 

“jungkook?” 

he hears your voice in its tiniest form yet.

you’re still awake? 

he barely is anymore.

“mhmm?”

“i really am,” he feels a light tug at the back of his shirt, your weak hand forming a closed fist. “sorry.”

—

 

jungkook wakes up at 5am with his stomach grumbling for food. your positions shifted throughout the night and he lies there cuddling you from behind, spending five minutes or so dwelling on regrets. he pictures the cake in the fridge, still in pristine condition, and how different it could’ve been if he didn’t stop himself after three stolen strawberries. 

after that, he thinks about breakfast. rolled omelette would be amazing right now. he just stocked up on side dishes too. only problem is he forgot to buy eggs. 

who goes to the supermarket and somehow manages to miss the whole egg section? 

jeon jungkook, apparently. 

a challenge arises: getting out of bed without waking you up. he isn’t a novice, but he isn’t exactly an expert either. he figures it’s just based on luck, and he’s… very unlucky.

he manages to slip out the arm you’re using as a pillow, replacing it with a real one hoping that you wouldn’t notice the difference in your sleep. a second later and you’re already stretching out your limbs. 

“where are you going?” you utter raspily, swollen eyes from sleep peering at him.

“out- to buy eggs for breakfast.” he replies in a low voice.

you start to harshly rub off the sleep from your eyes. 

“i’ll go with you.”

“there’s no need.” he strokes your hair gently. “sleep more.”

you shake your head stubbornly. “i need to buy something too.”

you drag yourself off of the bed before he can stop you. from your toes down to the heel, you slightly stumble when your feet touch the ground.

“i’ll brush my teeth.”

—

 

once you and jungkook step out of the building, you both find that it’s still before sunrise, but the street lamps are already turned off. everything under the sky is washed with a shade of blue. it feels almost illegal to be here with no other souls walking the streets, but you can breathe a little easier, and you’re warm because jungkook is holding your hand inside the pocket of his jacket. 

what was supposed to be a stolen glance turns into an enamored gaze.

“you look pretty.” 

“so do you,” the two corners of your mouth lift into a quick, shy smile. 

“yah, jungkook!”

that’s taehyung’s voice.

his best friend approaches from the opposite direction, a pomeranian on a leash waddling and wagging its tail beside him. despite the distance, jungkook can already see his smirk poking fun at him. 

count on him to disrupt a perfectly romantic and peaceful moment.

as soon as they meet halfway, jungkook shows him a grimace. 

“what are you doing here?” 

“to return your camera,” he waves the silver film camera, its strap wrapped around his wrist. “i’m taking tannie on a walk so i decided i’d bring it over.”

“okay, give it and go on your way.” 

jungkook snatches it from him, wearing the camera around his wrist as the rightful owner. 

when taehyung finally sets his sight on you, jungkook’s fear of embarrassment instantly kicks in. if he says something stupid, he swears to god— he lets go of your hand in favor of putting his arm around your shoulder, gently tugging you closer to him. 

“you must be ____!” taehyung snaps his fingers when he, at last, recalls your name, which jungkook knows he’s grown tired of hearing. “nice to meet you! i’m taehyung.” 

“ah, yes…”

jungkook senses your awkwardness. he presses his lips into a thin line, sending his best friend a threatening glare that screams ‘i know i’m a hypocrite, but don’t embarrass me.’

“it’s nice to meet you too.” you offer him a polite bow. 

“yeontan seems to like you a lot.” taehyung laughs, gesturing at his dog who is nuzzling its face against your shin. 

jungkook also smiles in endearment. that’s another animal drawn to you for some unknown reason. he can’t say he’s surprised. 

“does he bite?” you cautiously ask.

“no, he’s nice. you can pet him.” 

you nod, bending down to gingerly scratch yeontan’s fluffy ears. “hello, yeontan.” you quietly greet him with a voice so sweet. 

“honestly, ____ looks familiar to me. have we met before?” 

“must be when she rode the dreamboat before.”

“i don’t think that’s it though?” taehyung tilts his head, still racking his memories for your face. “i think i saw her more recently, but maybe not with pink hair.”

you stiffen beside jungkook, knees going weak out of the blue. you straighten up, but you keep your head slightly bowed down, hair falling over your face. 

“that’s impossible. maybe it was someone who looks like her.” 

“ah, maybe,” 

taehyung rubs the back of his neck, giving in to the theory.

“alright then, tannie is getting hyper.” he snorts at his pet trying to run away but is held back by its leash. “see you around, ____! i’ll see you at work, bro!” 

“sorry about that.” jungkook intertwines your fingers again. “let’s go.”

he moves forward, and you get left behind. 

“____?”

his concern grows when he observes your despondent body language. 

“are you okay?” 

“huh? oh- i’m okay.” 

you snap out of it, but as you walk to the convenience store together, jungkook gets the impression that something is weighing on your mind. 

—

 

jungkook watches you move around the store through the viewfinder of his camera, zooming in on your face when you whip your head around. it fails to capture the countless packs of lozenges you’re hugging to your chest.

“miss ____, who are you buying so many candies for?” 

you blink down at them before innocently staring back at the camera. “they’re for my co-workers. it’s flu season so many of them are getting sick.” 

—

with the sun returning to reign over the vast sky, the shade of blue has been replaced by an orange hue. the two of you walk back to your apartment building in silence. he doesn’t know what’s wrong, if it’s his fault or not, but your mood changed after your encounter with taehyung. 

you’ve decided you want some space and jungkook respects that. the entire time, he thinks about how his hand feels empty without yours. is he being paranoid? he feels like he’s already woken up from a dream too good to be true, crafted out of his greatest fantasies, and he’s going to be thrust into a nightmare— learning that none of it was real. this endless push and pull with you, he’s grown to be somewhat ill at ease in your presence. 

he wants it to go away. 

he moves closer, content with the mere brush of the back of your fingers against his, but that small pleasure is robbed from him when you pull your hand away. 

“let’s stop here.” 

the decisive tone of your voice instantly fills him with dread. 

you turn to face him, and he searches your eyes for any trace of emotion. sadness, or fear, or even humor… but he gets nothing. 

“let’s stop seeing and texting each other.”

and he’s scared most of all when you’re impossible to read. just when he thought he had managed to slither past your walls, he is met by larger and stronger ones with welded spikes.

“what are you talking about?” 

“i don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” 

you said it like it’s nothing. like you haven’t consumed his every thought since he saw you crying and you broke his heart without him knowing your name. like you haven’t been breaking his heart over and over again and he still can’t bring himself to detach from you. 

“what is this joke? it’s not really funny.” 

but he laughs anyway, or else he’d start crying, and you’d want him less. 

“just forget all about me.” 

his muscles tense. even now, he doesn’t know if he’s angry, but he is lost and it hurts so much, and he doesn’t know how else to express it without appearing weak. 

“you think that’s something i can just do overnight?”

“what makes it so hard?” you raise your voice. the venom stings without the bite. “you don’t even know me that well!” 

“then what was last night even about?” he hisses, hands balling into fists. “did you do that just to fuck with my feelings? am i just a game to you? what the fuck is your problem, ____?”

“you told me to use you to make myself feel better!” 

it completely catches him off guard when you stomp your feet and produce guttural screams— it borders on a childish tantrum— you damage your throat in doing so, voice coming out high-pitched and scratched up. 

his jaw clenches, straining to hold back his tears. the sun has risen and you’ve come to your senses. he regrets opening his eyes and acknowledging the morning. 

“it didn’t work— is that what you’re saying? is that why you’re throwing me away?” 

he doesn’t get a verbal answer, but your glassy-eyed stare and labored breathing have answered enough. 

“wow, that hurts…” he chuckles sarcastically. “yah, seriously- i have to give it to you. i’m shocked… you’re good. you’re a good actor.” 

he uses his middle finger to wipe the corners of his eyes, acting as though they are tears of amusement.

“you know, out of everyone i liked… you have to be the most cruel.” 

jungkook’s pride has never been this crushed. he feels utterly infuriated and humiliated. yet another exchange of ‘i should have listened’ and ‘i told you so’ between him and his best friend. he’s also sick and tired of his heart leading him to the opposite direction of the love he deserves. 

“i hope you find some other lunatic who would let you use them too. have a good life.” 

this time around, he walks away, and he would like to think that he did it on his own terms. 

—

 

jungkook loses his appetite after that. he informs his manager that he won’t be able to go to work because he’s feeling under the weather, then he drags himself back to bed. 

your scent has clung to the pillowcase, the sheets… 

it’s unbearable.

despite his lack of energy, he forces himself to set up the extra bed on the floor. he expected himself to have difficulty falling asleep, but the amalgamation of physical and emotional exhaustion pulls him down under.

he wakes up again in the afternoon. he ignores the cake in the fridge, instead snacking on yogurt and crackers while watching a movie on his computer. he takes a long shower after and buries himself in assignments until dinner time rolls in. 

by this time, he assumes taehyung has blabbed about what he saw this morning. his friends must think he’s out here relishing in the honeymoon phase. how he wishes it was true. 

he has that whole carton of eggs but he doesn’t have it in him to cook anymore. maybe it’s best that he surrounds himself with people, disrupt his depressing thoughts with loud chatter, and so he makes plans to go to the street market. 

“wait!”

he sprints to the elevator, managing to slip his arm between the doors before they close entirely. 

under different circumstances, this would’ve been fate instead of bad luck.

—

you stand your ground as jungkook enters the elevator, not sparing him a glance. just like you wanted, he also treats you with indifference. it’s hard to breathe in an enclosed space with him now that he hates you. 

two girls from the eleventh floor enter; they stand infront of you and jungkook.

“did you find the video?” the girl infront of you, with the blonde hair, asks impatiently. 

“wait- i’m looking for it.” her friend, you assume, replies as she is focused on aggressively scrolling and tapping on her phone screen.

“having a sex scandal with your professor? wow, that’s really something. how does that even happen?” 

your blood runs cold.

from that statement alone, you can make an educated guess on what exactly they are talking about, but your brain tries to reject the thought. there are many scandals going around these days. maybe they’re talking about somebody else. you hope they are. does that make you a bad person?

“that’s not confirmed, though. the guy’s face doesn’t show in the video… oh, i found it!”

she presents her phone screen to the blonde-haired girl, and you feel as though gallons of ice have been dumped over your head. through the gap between their arms, you get a good view of your face. of the video you were forced to watch so you could acknowledge your sin… the video that not only damaged your reputation but stripped you away of everything. your dignity, your dreams, your people, the essence of your being. 

you don’t need to look to know that beside you, jungkook is also secretly watching. 

you’re trapped. 

“this was really popular at snu but it suddenly got spread outside. my cousin who studies there said the girl’s parents are like- super rich- and they tried to bribe the university, but she still got kicked out. i think her name is ____?”

you bow your head to hide your face, vision gradually going blurry. strangers drop your name so casually to tell the shortest life story known to man. they discard the majority of the parts, retain and distort what entertains them, and in the end, they decide who you are. 

you knew it was going to happen eventually, but this isn’t how you wanted jungkook to learn.

you didn’t want to be here for it. 

“wow, she’s going at it.”

a scandalized gasp. 

“no wonder men are going crazy over this. even the quality is-”

“insane, right?!” the storyteller whisper-shouts. 

“but… what if she doesn’t know she’s being recorded? getting kicked out sounds a bit unfair, no?” 

“no, no- she even holds the camera when they switch positions. watch!” 

you can’t. you can’t take it anymore. you turn away, squeezing your eyes shut in extreme anguish. 

you don’t realize that you’re shaking until jungkook holds your hand tightly, it’s almost crushing. 

“ah, what are you doing?! turn it off! turn it off! it’s too disgusting from this angle!” 

you look at him in shock, for a split moment you forgot he was there. his features have softened; so does your heart. 

although you can’t exactly figure out how he’s feeling, you’d take anything that isn’t disgust. 

the elevator reaches the ground floor. 

as the girls take their leave, you also attempt to step out— but jungkook doesn’t let you. he grips your hand tighter and he presses the button of your apartment floor. 

“why did you- i need to go to work…” you meant to chastise him, but your voice comes out small. 

“stay a little bit. it’s still early.” he speaks to you softly, wiping off the beads of cold sweat on your forehead. 

when did that happen? 

“no, i need to-” 

you feel dizzy; the walls are closing in on you. the turning of your stomach is bordering on intolerable. you lurch, pushing him away as you clamp a hand over your mouth and gag uncontrollably. you’ve had to experience this humiliation in school hallways, public spaces… in front of your friends, your parents; in the dean’s office. this is the first time your body is having this type of reaction; you feel physically sick, like your body is shutting down. 

he rubs your back as an effort to alleviate your ails. “are you okay?”

you could answer, but what’s the point? you’re breaking down in front of him again. you’re no longer the mystifying neighbor he obviously yet secretly cherishes. he has discovered the missing puzzle piece you could never bury even if you died trying. 

“did you enjoy it?”

“what?”

you wish he would stop looking at you with those big, sparkly eyes. at this moment, they’re making you feel small. 

“the video. was it fun watching it too?”

the silence is suffocating.

he utters your name. he doesn’t know what to say; you don’t know what you want to hear either.

“it doesn’t change the way i see you.”

“bullshit,” you spit out— a knee-jerk reaction. 

“look, i-i don’t know what happened but this isn’t right. you don’t deserve this. you can sue ever- wait! ____!”

the elevator opens and he chases after you, effectively blocking your path.

he has officially wore you down. 

“it’s not me,” you declare near to tears instead of pushing him away. “it’s not me, jungkook. i d-don’t know how they- they did it. i know it looks so real but it’s not me. i swear-”

and as an act of desperation, after months of having given up on proving it’s all some sort of well-orchestrated deception, your hands come up to the buttons of your blouse.

“it’s not my body.”

“no no no- you don’t have to do this! this isn’t right!” jungkook freaks out and binds your wrists with his hands, unwillingly using his strength on you when you fight back. he anxiously glances at the camera monitoring the hallway. “stop, stop-”

“i just need one person to believe me.”

“i believe you, okay?” he captures your wrists in one hand, the other tenderly caresses your cheek. “i believe you. i promise.”

he cradles your head on his shoulder, hugging you so tightly it almost feels like you’re one person.

“when the girl said you might not even know you were being recorded… the terrible thoughts i had- like what if he…” 

it’s too much alone in his head. he can’t bring himself to say it into the universe.

“but you didn’t get hurt, right? nothing like that happened? it’s not even real.” he sniffles, holding you tighter as if that is still possible. “that’s a relief… i mean- this, this is bad, what happened to you is. but i was scared.”

you remain there, dumbstruck and motionless. the line between standing and letting jungkook carry your weight has blurred. 

you wish he would never let you go.

—

 

jungkook brings you to his apartment, sits you down in the kitchen, and takes out his birthday cake from fridge. he conveniently finds two pairs of chopsticks in a plastic bag on the table and offers you one, which you accept without thinking. you think he understands that you don’t want to talk about it but you can’t be alone right now either. 

chocolate is supposed to help raise one’s spirit, doesn’t it?

well, it tastes delicious, and jungkook is with you. you feel a little less shitty. 

he can’t sit still, though. 

he cracks open the eggs he bought this morning into a bowl and starts chopping up vegetables to be mixed into it. all the while you sit and watch in silence. no, in peace. the rhythmic tapping of the knife against the chopping board is like music to your ears. even the sound of the oil crackling as he pours the beaten eggs into the frying pan. 

you abandon the endorphin-inducing treat on the table. you saunter over to jungkook in search of something else more associated with love, sneaking your arms around his torso. a tidal wave of relief washes over you. this feels more like resting, and you can’t believe you’re saying this, better than drugs. as it turns out, you’ve been homesick for a body you haven’t touched. a hug can’t fix your life, but it may convince you that it’s possible to survive an unfixable life. 

however, the key difference between jungkook and nicotine is that you can’t simply have jungkook because you want to. 

what he has unleashed upon you is greed.

“i’m sorry,” the more you apologize, the easier it becomes, but you’re also growing sick of it. “i didn’t mean what i said. i was scared of your reaction when you find out so i pushed you away… i keep taking you for granted. i’m sorry.” 

“it’s okay, i understand.” he rubs your forearm comfortingly. “just don’t do it again… it really hurt.” 

“i like you too.” you confess like you’re running out of time. 

you no longer have room for apprehension. you can’t gamble with your chances once more when there’s not much left. 

“i wasn’t playing with your feelings. up until earlier, i thought i’d never be able to let you know, so i’m doing it now. i like you.”

a chill runs along your spine. it feels immensely intimate— how jungkook slowly takes a hold of your hand and guides it to his soft lips, pressing a long kiss to your skin. 

“i like you too, a lot.” his laughter makes his body vibrate, waking up the slumbering butterflies in your stomach. “incase i haven’t made it obvious enough.”

—

“will you stay?”

you nod your head as you joyfully munch on your fresh homemade meal. “they’re already forcing me to use my vacation days anyway.”

he makes a noise of surprise. “you’ve never missed work?”

you shake your head no.

“rude clients aside, i like what i do. it helps me keep my mind off…” you wave the radish-bearing chopsticks. “things.” 

he only nods, ruffling your hair affectionately. “you should eat well, okay?”

“you too!” 

you feed him a big bite of your omelette, and then rice, and then kimchi. 

it results in stuffed cheeks and aggressive chewing, but you look especially happy watching him eat. jungkook assumes that it’s just how you express your affection, and it’s euphoria to be at the receiving end. 

—

you found your way back to where you were last night— jungkook’s warm bed. comfy pajamas and tangled limbs. everything went to shit after you left, so if you were to get stuck here forever, he wouldn’t disapprove. 

he listens to you talk as half of his mind is preoccupied by innocently kissing every inch of the exposed skin of your face and neck.

“i’m going to the salon tomorrow.”

he inwardly groans against your neck when your fingers card through his silky yet messy hair, twisting and tugging.

“what color should i color my hair? red? orange? brown?”

“red sounds really great?” he draws back in excitement. “but i’m going to miss your pink hair. how did you maintain it for so long?”

“i only chose it because it doesn’t look good on me.” 

“that’s ridiculous!” he exclaims.

you snort. “i thought if it doesn’t fit me then it would seriously change the way i look.” 

“then you were very wrong. it fits you so well.” he passionately insists that you see yourself from his point-of-view.

“you’re ridiculous.”

you don’t believe him, but he still earns himself a kiss on the lips. 

“have you ever thought of getting a lip piercing?”

“why?” he fails to hide his smug grin. “would it look good on me?”

“mhmm, i imagine so.”

you lazily trace his lips with your thumb. it’s suddenly making him dizzy. 

“should i get it then?”

“nope,” you reply with finality. “too many girls would fantasize about kissing you.” 

he bursts out laughing. “isn’t that too much of a stretch?” 

“i’m a girl! i’d know!” 

“so you’re the jealous type, huh?” he cockily quirks an eyebrow.

“i’m not,” you scoff.

“possessive?” 

“maybe,” you shrug.

“cool,” he chuckles. “you want to keep kissing?”

you don’t answer and instead you meet his lips halfway with a tug at the collar of his shirt. you’re an amazing kisser; his brain goes haywire once you tilt your head and you kiss him deeper, tongue sneaking in for a taste. he doesn’t want to kiss anyone else again. 

as the tension escalates into something hotter, your wandering hand manages to slip under his shirt, teasing and caressing his skin. fuck, he feels like he’s running a fever. however, when your fingers begin tracing and teasing the waistband of his calvin klein boxers, much as it feels heavenly and stirs something feral deep within him, he has to pull away. 

not too fast. 

he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. he’s afraid you’re not thinking straight.

“are you free this weekend?” he asks as he catches his breath, tongue swiping over his swollen lips. 

“saturday night,” you reply with a drunk smile. 

“since you granted my birthday wish, shall we make your ferris wheel dream come true?” 

your smile fades away a little. “where you work?” 

he nods, but he senses your hesitation. “but we can go to a different one, if you’d like.”

as your silence stretches, he also begins to regret having asked you in the first place. after what happened only hours ago, you must not want to go out in public and risk reliving that experience. 

“…doesn’t it bother you that your friends may have seen the video already?” 

at that moment, taehyung’s voice rings in his ears.

‘honestly, ____ looks familiar to me. have we met before?’

his heart breaks upon the sight of genuine fear swimming in your eyes. he dips his head to press a kiss on your forehead, and he hugs you tight. and tighter. he doesn’t pray much, or ask big questions, but he despises it when bad things happen to good people. he wants to protect you, but how?

“i’d tell them the truth. i’d fight for your case.”

“but what if they don’t believe you…?”

—

a deafening crash resonates in the break room as taehyung’s body slams against the lockers before collapsing on the floor. 

“ah, seriously! i said it’s not her!”

“what the fuck, dude?!” taehyung yelps as he sits up, putting a hand over his assaulted cheek. he’s more offended than hurt if he’s being honest.

as it turns out, it does bother jungkook.

taehyung’s phone landed a few feet away from him. the video is still going, and unlike the people in the elevator, he didn’t have the courtesy to keep it muted. obscene moans and sounds of skin slapping repeatedly play from the speakers at a low volume. 

“it’s so clear, look! how can it not be her?!” 

“it’s edited! it’s ai, you fucking idiot!” jungkook scowls at him. 

he picks up the phone, teeth gritted in anger as he exits the video and discovers that it’s posted at an adult website. the view count has reached five digits and the comment section is flooded. he knows this isn’t the only place it’s posted. hell, other people could have it downloaded. although it’s not your body, it’s still you being violated and lusted after. he feels sick to his stomach. 

“you should’ve said that from the start!” 

he looks away for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut, hard, hoping that would erase the explicit images and thumbnails from his memory. after gathering himself together, his eyes zero in on the report button. 

he clicks ‘submit’ before he crumbles, weakly sitting down on the chair. 

taehyung rushes to his phone that was tossed carelessly on the table. “ah shit- the screen is cracked!” 

if this is how he feels, then he can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. 

he stares at the floor, eyes unfocused. the world goes on and his back remains hunched over as he struggles to make sense of what he should do. 

—

 

when you were called over to the human resource department, you didn’t exactly prepare yourself to watch your alleged sex scandal on a 21.5-inch computer monitor. the light from the screen reflects on your skin. you have to harshly claw at the skin of your knee to stop it from anxiously bouncing; you force yourself not to also gag when the you on the screen chokes and gags. 

“was this reported to you,” you swallow the lump in your throat, shifting your stare to the man in suit and tie. “or did you find it on your own?” 

“miss ____,” he leans in on the table, clasping his hands together. the golden band around his finger shines under the dim lighting of his office. “do you even understand the kind of trouble you’re in?” 

“am i being fired?”

“but you don’t have to be.” he bares his teeth as if he’s delivering good news. you long to destroy his face and his condescension with your bare hands. “i believe we can agree on an arrangement.”

“what do you mean…?” you ask carefully, grasping the tiny bit of hope that what you have in mind isn’t what he meant. 

“i think you know what i mean. you’re smart.”

your heart drops to your stomach when he side-eyes the screen.

“do you expect me to beg for my job and do the same things i did in the video?” 

“why?” his tone then becomes threatening. you begin to hear your heartbeat thumping loud in your chest. “you won’t do it?” 

but if you allow yourself to be intimidated and treated less than a human being worthy of dignity and respect, then you may never be able to forgive yourself. 

your sharp eyes and your cutting words make up for its trembles.

“you’re right, i’m smart. i know you don’t have enough grounds to fire me. you seriously think you can manipulate me this easy?” you contemptuously push over his name plate, the bronze metal tumbling and clashing with the wooden desk. “you’re not qualified for this job.” 

your dismissal of his authority bruises his ego. he holds you in a hostile glare.

“if i were you, i would stop talking. right now.” 

“or what?” you challenge him. “you’ll hit me…? what would your wife think when she hears about this conversation?” 

his face is contorted with anger and frustration, but he is visibly holding himself back from doing something else that would damage his career. 

“i plan on suing the people who are responsible for this. i’d appreciate it if-” you gesture at the monitor. “you can delete your copy too. i’ll clean my table and leave.” 

“you have a real attitude problem, you know that? you need your eyes opened to the reality of life.” the alarms in your head starts blaring when he slowly gets up from his seat. “i think i know what i need to do to fix it.” 

“don’t you dare touch me.” you grit your teeth, tears welling in your eyes as he circles his desk. “i will kill you.” 

he squats on the floor beside you, wearing a mocking grin. you want to move away, but the chair is too small, and you’re determined to show him that you have no fear. 

“you’ll kill me?” 

he grabs a fistful of your hair, tilting your head back, and a scream is ripped out from your throat. the pain is mind-numbing; if he does it long enough, your guess is that you’d surely faint. he forces your head to the direction of the monitor. 

“who you should be killing is the man who put you in this situation.” 

you close your eyes. you try not to let him get under your skin, but the tears rolling down your cheeks are your self-made traitors. 

you have. in your head. a million times. is it truly a man? is he even alone? 

as you tiredly re-open your eyes, you unleash the pepper spray you’ve been holding under your thigh and begin spraying it all over his face. when he collapses on the floor, screaming and clawing at his own skin, your hand also falls limp over the armrest. you take a deep breath, blinking at the mess you made with heavy eyelids. 

does it hurt that much or is he simply dramatic?

you’d stay and enjoy his demise, but you decide he’s not worth your time. 

“____, come back here!” 

“oh-” you freeze on your tracks. 

you pull the lace of your company id over your head, hurling it at his face. he rolls over with an agonized groan. 

“i quit!” 

you unlock the door, dry your tears, and walk out of his office with your chin held high.

—

you stand at jungkook’s door, staring down at your shoes. you’ve been contemplating on whether you should knock or not. you want nothing more but to crawl into his arms, but a part of you is holding back. is it right to drag him into your world? you’d hate it if he becomes infected by your sadness. it broke you to pieces when he cried because he thought you were hurt. what would his reaction be if finds out what happened tonight? 

“____!”

jungkook approaches with a plastic bag from a 24/7 restaurant nearby. judging by his tousled hair, he must’ve just woken up from a long nap. and you think to yourself—he’s so handsome—as he walks over to you and you scramble to collect yourself. 

“have you been waiting long? sorry, i had to buy dinner.”  

“i just got here.” you deny. 

“is that so?” he stops infront of you, eyeing your outfit. “is everything alright? you’re home from work so early.”

“i went home.” you force a smile. “i’m not feeling so well.”

it takes everything in you not to cry when he starts stroking your hair with the gentlest hand. 

“what’s wrong…?” he frowns. he worriedly presses the back of his hand on your forehead, then your neck. “you are a bit hot.”

“i think i just need some more sleep.” you dismiss the topic quickly, throwing your arms around his neck for the hug you’ve been yearning for since you walked out of that office. 

his free arm wraps around waist, pulling you taut against him. he doesn’t ask you anything. like you, he closes his eyes, and he nuzzles his cheek against you, not taking any second for granted. 

  —

  you spend the remaining days before saturday locked up in your apartment, withholding the fact that you quit your job from jungkook. with work gone and social media apps wiped out from your phone, there’s not much to do. just like always, you feed the fishes and converse throughout the day over the phone. they eat less and less as the weather gets colder. you bring up the growing size of the fishes and he agrees that they should be moved into a bigger tank soon. he sends you photos of him bored in class and you send him photos of you in bed. every second that passes by, you feel guilty for holding on to him until the very end. 

you greet him with a radiant smile, opening the door just enough for him to see your face. you can tell that he styled his hair, sprayed on more perfume than usual. he looks absolutely dashing. it almost makes you mad. 

“are you ready?” 

you can feel the crushing weight of everything that hides behind the door. your clothes, your shoes, your self-care, your stacks of medical textbooks… your entire life packed in boxes and bags. 

jungkook was right. out of everyone he liked, you must be the most cruel. 

—

he doesn’t take you to his workplace, and instead brings you to their largest competitor. the amusement park is swarmed by locals and tourists alike, waiting for the firework show to commence. you hide your face with a thick scarf wrapped around your neck. you’ve been waiting, freezing, in line for over an hour, but you don’t mind it at all. it only means more time spent with jungkook. 

you take turns in biting on the pretzel he bought to get rid of your boredom, happy and content in your shared bubble among the hundreds of voices within the vicinity conversing all at once. you become the other half of those lovey-dovey couples people cringe at in public. every now and then you and jungkook mimic a stranger’s voice, or the instrumental music from the nearby rides, and you laugh until your tummies ache. he hugs you to warm you up and you reward him with a kiss on the cheek. 

“your hair looks even prettier in person.” jungkook compliments you with stars in his eyes. 

“thank you! it turned out better than i expected. i’m really happy about it.” you gush, confidence renewed. you eat the last piece of the pretzel happily. “red or pink?”

“okay, red does suit you better,” he admits. “but i still think you were also beautiful in pink.” 

“since you’re always saying that, i’m starting to believe it.” 

“you should, because it’s true.”

“have i ever told you that you’re handsome?”

he shakes his head with a half-amused, half-sheepish smile. 

“well, you’re very handsome,” you declare playfully, but you believe it a hundred percent. 

“thank you,” he bursts into a fit of giggles, and it delivers you a special kind of joy— making him happy.

“lemonade?” he offers you the drink he’s holding. 

you slot the straw between your lips, taking a few sips. your eyes widen in surprise, also delight. “it’s hot?” 

“it’s good, right? i feel so warm.” 

he sips on the drink himself. at the same moment, the line begins to move. 

“oh! it’s our turn!”

he grabs a secure hold of your hand, not allowing a slither of chance of you slipping away from him. you give out your tickets, and the remains of them returned, one of them jungkook takes and the other, you slide into the pocket of your shoulder bag.

“oh, it’s too high-”

your nervous pondering is interrupted by a yelp, thanks to jungkook effortlessly lifting you into the moving cabin with his hands on your hips. with a boyish grin, he jumps in after you. 

—

he curiously watches you set up your phone on the parallel side of your shared seat, you and him filmed by the front camera and displayed on the screen. he chooses not to say anything, but he is pleasantly surprised that you are the first one who initiated on recording this memory. 

once you fix it into the perfect angle, you return and sit beside him with a hint of satisfaction painted on your expression. but as soon as the the cabin quakes mildly, it morphs into nervousness. 

“it’s okay, it’s normal.” he strokes the back of your head, reassuring you. “are you afraid of heights?”

you scoot closer to him, and he forgets how to breathe for a moment when you innocently lay your hand just above his knee. “i try not to be.” 

“i was going to suggest the rollercoaster next, but maybe not.”

once again, the cabin moves, causing a whimper to emit from your throat. your nails begin to dig into his thigh, their sharpness dulled by his denim pants. 

“anything but that- i have bad memories with the rollercoaster.”

“maybe i should sit on the other side to balance ourselves bett-”

“stay!” you quickly pull him back down, resulting to another shake. “in my dream, we sit next to each other.”

“oh,” his lips shape into a smirk. “anything else i should know about?”

“you had your arm around me.” you bat your eyelashes.

he does as you request, hugging you to his side.

“like this?”

you shake your head with a sound of disagreement, moving his hand from your arm down to the curve of your waist. 

“you suddenly remember everything.” he remarks with a teasing squeeze of your flesh. 

you sheepishly smile, shrugging. “eh, i remember this much.” 

he loves moments like this— when your innocence rises to the surface and allows him a glimpse of your purest parts. they completely contradict everything your brain leads you to think is for your protection. you don’t want to be alone, and you do want to be held.

amidst his bittersweet musing, the night sky begins to be lit up by a sequence of launched explosives, shooting off glowing embers that descend slowly through the air. 

he jolts on his seat and clings to you as a result.

“ah, that scared me!” he whines in annoyance.

you spare his scaredy-cat moment a short giggle. you barely pay him any mind; you didn’t even look at him. jungkook decides to watch the fireworks from your wonder-filled eyes. the colors soar across your irises— he can’t really differentiate the silver and the gold; there’s also blue and green; a lot of red. 

his view from here is one-of-a-kind. he temporarily mistakes you for a painting. brings out his phone. snaps photos of you like one instinctively does in an art gallery. 

the mortification only sets in when your eyes meet the camera and upon realizing, you give him your dazzling smile. 

“you should watch the fireworks too.” you scold him lightheartedly, redirecting his hands outside. “they’re amazing.”

and he obeys you. 

for a short while.

you catch him longingly gazing at you sooner the second time around. he likes that he doesn’t need to look away anymore because his feelings are already out in the open, and most importantly, reciprocated. he catches your eyes flicker to his lips. he swears this is the most romantic scene of his life. will anything ever come close? you cup his cheek in your delicate hand, bringing your plush lips to his. he wonders how many times you also hesitated to kiss him before. how long would it take before he has kissed you more times than he didn’t?

 

—

jungkook is glued to his phone, walking at a slower pace behind while you search the spacious parking lot for your motorbike. 

the wicked reality he stole you from momentarily waves at him as a reminder that ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear. a notification from a fan that says they found a clip of your video on another social media platform and reported it there too. a notification containing the link. he clicks on the app and finds that his latest video has reached almost half a million views. 

technology has gone too far. how is there no law for this yet??? someone's life is ruined 

what is this. you've totally ruined the video for me

jungkook!! when are you going live again?

everyone stop spreading the video around!!!!!!!!!! report it if you see it!!!!

but how come you suddenly made a ten min vid talking against ai so passionately? do you know this girl personally?? haha

lol? he already talked about ai in a live before. his follower would know that he knows a lot about editing and technology too. hes using his knowledge for good. stop assuming

it was obvious from the start ㅠㅠ the expressions look a bit unnatural. this is unsettling.... i feel so bad for her

um .. am i the only one who doesn't know about this

you're better off not knowing 😭

it's gone viral recently

how? it's all over my feed

his temples throb with a threat of an incoming headache. he can only hope and pray that he didn’t do more harm than good… and by some miracle you don’t find out about this, at least not before he is prepared to see you mad at him again. sharply inhaling, he swipes out of the comment section and tucks his phone back into his small crossbody bag. 

“wait for me!”

he jogs to catch up to you, hurling himself to your back. you are both nearly knocked over if not for him throwing his strong arms around you. 

“you’re so hyper. are you a puppy?” you groan. “go put your helmet on.” 

“this hurts my pride. i said i’m not wearing it again!” 

he is, once again, left with no choice when you forcefully shove your only helmet over his head. 

“calm down, nothing bad will happen anyway.” 

“this feels so wrong.” he continues complaining. “everyone i know owns an extra, just so you know.” 

“well, i never planned on riding with a passenger.” you pull down the visor, sealing the deal. “hold on tight, okay?”

—

how often do you see a man on the road sitting at the back of an expensive motorbike that his cool girlfriend drives? jungkook wishes someone could take a photo and send it to him as a memento because being that man is pretty darn fun. except for the part that you’re not wearing a helmet and he’s also freaking out in the back of his mind, especially when the vehicle tilts even at the slightest. 

but yeah, fun. 

until the rain starts to come down and he ends up numb from the freezing cold. 

your driving speed decreases. you move farther into the center of the lane to avoid the slippery paint on asphalt. 

“jungkook, remove my glasses.” you instruct him urgently. 

“okay!” his arm freezes in the air. “wait, where do i put it?”

“fuck, anywhere. over my head!”

 —

owing it to your driving experience and extreme carefulness of your passenger, you park at your designated parking space safely. by the time you do so, the rain has become a downpour.

“run!” you shout as you both begin to brave it. 

for the record, jungkook tried. 

his shoe slides against the wet and slippery ground and a startled scream leaves his mouth as it all happens too fast. he lands on his butt, but loses balance again and ends up completely lying down in the middle of the parking lot. 

“jungkook!” 

alongside the fierce raindrops, your frantic footsteps bringing you to jungkook contest in creating loud splashes. you get down on your knees, forcibly shaking his frame with yet another call of his name.

“are you okay? where are you hurt?!” 

garnering no response, you resort to giving his face weak slaps. 

“stand up. this isn’t funny.” 

his ears catch you blowing out a sigh, layered underneath is the most adorable growl he has ever heard— reminds him of a tiger cub. there is the lightest trace of smile on his lips as you carry his head over to your lap with utmost gentleness. 

“jungkook!” 

you wipe his rain-soaked face with your rain-soaked hands as if it would do something. he dies of laughter inside. 

“are you being serious right now?!” 

he slowly cracks one eye open, and then the other, greeting you with the most gleeful giggle. he’s so stupidly happy it’s almost painful. chest-restricting. doesn’t help much when you hit his chest, rightfully so, and he laughs harder. 

“ugh, you’re so annoying!” 

his upper body tumbles over again to the wet ground when you return to your feet. the view from here is not that bad. he is losing half his mind from the cold and his eyes are blurry from the rain. it presents itself as the perfect opportunity to say something cheesy about going to heaven, but would an angel nudge him with their foot and say “stand up. we’re totally going to get sick now, you jerk!” before running away? 

in jungkook’s defense, he checked the weather forecast this morning. it’s painfully clear to him now that they lied. the two of you are dripping all over the floor mat in front of the building’s entrance doors. there is no other choice but to wring your clothes here to minimize the trail of mess you will leave behind when you go up to your units. 

you’re squeezing out the water from your hair. he is left with a white t-shirt sticking uncomfortably to his skin as he does the same with his sweater.

the earthy and distinct smell of the rain clings to the air, and therefore, everything.

“jungkook,”

“yes?” he cranes his head to your direction and your eyes connect.

“don’t get sick.” 

“i won’t! i’m healthy. i only get sick once a year.” he boasts with a grin. 

given the length difference, jungkook’s method is messier than yours— he shakes the water out of his hair like a puppy. 

“okay, rude-” you chide at him, flinching away from the shower. 

“oh i’m sorry!” 

didn’t think about that, he winces. 

“aquarium after showering?”

—

“worms make me queasy.” you make a noise of disgust as you dispose of your plastic gloves. 

“but clem loves them.”

“true,” you return beside jungkook, who is watching your five beloved swimmers with pure fascination. “but not as much as coral does.” 

“sometimes i wonder if they’re getting tired of seeing our faces everyday.” 

“i hope not,” you frown.

after all, they’ve taken over a considerable chunk of your daily life for the past half year. you worried more about their meals than your own. you hated it when clementine and dahlia would get scared and hide from you at the beginning. you worked hard to gain their trust. how long will it take for them to forget you? contrary to the three-second memory span myth, you read that they can keep memories for weeks, some claim months, at least five, or even years. 

“yeah, probably not because they associate us with food.” he chuckles.

“that’s true.” 

he straightens up and drops himself on the couch. while you’re alone, you take your time to prepare your heart. 

you try your hardest to look at every little detail of each fish, anything you haven’t seen before. you always loved the way their tail and fins glide and flow as they swim, reminiscent of long hair blowing with the wind. when they play about the shipwreck, it feels you’re being healed. something broken can still be a source of joy.

“i had a wonderful time, by the way.” you turn to jungkook, making your way to where he is. “thank you for tonight.”

“me too. i was so happy.” 

he squeezes you to his side, dipping to press a kiss to your temple. you never understood people who preferred forehead kisses until you met jungkook. a kiss on the lips meant being wanted, and maybe that was everything to you.

“but i’m buying the extra helmet myself tomorrow.”

“you don’t have to do that!”

while he laughs, you force a smile. 

there’s no point. there will be no next time.

“no but thank you for everything, really… my life has been a living nightmare but- but i felt like a person again when i was with you.” 

you take a pause, willing yourself not to cry. you need to tell him everything you haven’t said so you can live with less regrets. 

“you’re such a kind person. i’m sorry that i always lashed out on you too. just because i was hurting doesn’t make it right to hurt you.” 

“why are you talking like that?” he questions you suspiciously. he masks his nervousness with a tone of humor. “it sounds like you’re saying goodbye.”

because you are…

you’ve never been good at goodbyes. the original plan was to leave in the middle of the night without letting him know, leaving a note was an option. either way you know that you will hurt him, and as an admitted coward, you didn’t want to witness that.

but in the future, when you reminisce about him, you don’t want to be overcome with guilt. and when he reminisces about you, you don’t want memories of you to be tainted with bitter resentment. you hope that when either one of you sheds tears, the pain of loss eventually becomes gratitude for what you had momentarily. 

and so, you take a deep breath.

“i need to tell you something.”

he stares back into your eyes without saying anything. in the duration of that silence, jungkook is able to interpret and predict where your shared story is heading. 

“you’re leaving…”

the end.

you never considered that hearing him say it would hurt much more than telling him yourself.

“when?”

“my flight is in six hours. i’m so sorry.” 

you nearly break down into the tears, but you harshly chew on your bottom lip. you can’t cry, not in front of him. you don’t have the right.

“my parents, they finally forgave me… i can continue studying with their help. but no one wants to accept me here anymore, i tried, everywhere… so i’m going back with them to milan.”

“where they work…” he says meekly. he remembers you mentioning it in passing.

“can’t you postpone?” he tries to spark up even a smallest crumb of hope. he places his hand over yours, squeezing lightly. “even just for a day?”

you shake your head, unable to look him in the eyes, but you flip your hand over so you can hold his. and you do. tightly. and when it doesn’t feel enough, you use both hands and you clasp him in between. 

the silence in between is suffocating.

“when will you come back?”

“i don’t know.”

“i can wait-”

“no, you can’t.” you interrupt, looking at him decisively. “you shouldn’t.” 

with hardened features, he challenges your stare. you’re not scared or intimidated. he’s not angry. he’s just… 

“that’s not for you to decide.”

fighting for you.

you’d be a hypocrite if you said that you wished he wouldn’t. 

“jungkook, please, don’t.”

you throw your arms around his neck, hugging him so he won’t be able to see your face and decipher your thoughts. deep inside, with logic thrown outside the window, where all you can see and feel and touch is him, you wish that he would beg and convince you to stay. 

“you’d only waste your time doing that. you’ll meet someone else…” 

those words leave a bitter taste in your mouth. possessive, he jokingly described you once. 

“don’t say that.” he interjects. 

“you deserve to be happy, jungkook. there is so much more to life.”

“i knew- i-i had a feeling you would leave soon. i just didn’t know when.”

a tear drips from your eyelash; you hug him tighter and wipe it off on his shoulder. 

“i wish i could’ve done more.” he utters regretfully. “to help you. and comfort you. you endured everything on your own…”

“you believed me and you stayed with me. you did more than everybody else.” 

taking away the science of it, it’s common knowledge that a hug has wondrous healing effects. it’s one of those things that we naturally learn through experience, feeling. the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin can affect how we feel and respond to pain. studies say that it kicks in for hugs that last at least six to twenty seconds. 

“will you be okay there?” he whispers. he’s gently stroking the expanse of your back and it feels like getting tucked into bed.

by now, you’ve been hugging jungkook for over twenty seconds, and you realize that the time is irrelevant. perhaps what they are referring to are the hugs you wouldn’t mind staying in forever. 

“i’m scared,” you confess. “but i’ll be okay.”

a glimpse at the aquarium and enters a silly, gutwrenching thought. 

“you know… maybe in another life,” you peek fondly into a future that may very well never exist. “we’re old and married, and we have a big pond instead of an aquarium.”

jungkook draws back and stares you down with his tearful eyes. 

you clear your throat, face going warm with regret. “sorry-”

“you’re impossible-” he mutters before leaning in to kiss you. 

you’re frozen at first, mind going blank, until he’s kissing you deeper, gripping your waist tighter, with intense emotions you’ve never felt him express before, and you are forced to remember that this kiss is a goodbye. 

your hands around his neck fall over his shoulders, and you grant him the power to let you fall into the abyss where nothing else exists but the two of you. 

you stop worrying about the time ticking. 

you do not think about pulling away. 

he is the one who breaks the kiss and your heart is broken. 

his gaze is heaving with longing as does his aching chest. “why can’t it be in this life?”

you think this is when the gravity of the situation comes crashing down on you. jungkook is once in a lifetime. he is the person you will dedicate a memoir to when you reach the point in life where the only thing left to do is to look back. revealing the closet full of skeletons of who you were and who you will never become. he will be the subject of your what if’s, the other main character of the alternate version of your life story. the cynics will clamor, your time together was too short for it to have meant something, ignorant of the most lamentable grief— and you will envy them for it.

the corners of your mouth are lifted into a wistful smile. “fate made us meet at the wrong time, when i’m the wrong person for us.”

  —

when you arrive at your apartment, you are deprived of the privacy to break down. your brother and your family driver, mister lee, have only begun hauling your bags and boxes. you try to ignore their presence, head straight to the bathroom, but as always, your brother doesn’t allow you peace. 

“are you seriously bringing your motorbike too?”

you take a deep breath to compose yourself, but you still end up gritting your teeth. “it’s mine.”

“it’s too expensive to have it shipped-”

“shut up, you’re not the one paying for it.” 

you turn on your heel, but you become rooted into place when you hear jungkook’s name. 

“that boy you were with- jungkook, is it?”

you face with him a look of suspicion, eyebrows furrowing. “why do you care?”

he casually leans against the kitchen cabinet, hands tucked into his jeans’ pockets. “he must genuinely like you a lot to make that video. the tide has turned because of him.”

“wh-what are you saying?” you sputter. “what video?”

he narrows his eyes at you. “you don’t know what i’m talking about?”

“are you fucking with me again?” 

“yeah- okay, nevermind.” he dismisses the topic, straightening up to pick up one of the boxes that will be carried to his car. 

“moon!” you irritatedly shout his name, throwing the first thing that your hand touches. the comb hits his back before falling on the floor with a smack. “what is it?!” 

“god, ___! it’s nothing! forget about it!” he barks, going straight for the front door with two boxes stacked in his arms. “go and make sure you didn’t forget to pack anything. i don’t need you nagging me when a package gets lost on its way to milan.” 

you’re obviously having a hard time. can’t he go a little gentler on you? 

“and cover your face.”

“does it matter? i’m already leav-”

“dad asked for it— not me. just do it, ____.”

you weakly slump back against the wall. you have no fight left in you today. you’d like to commend yourself for making it this far, surviving the worst of the worst and having the courage to come out of the tunnel, but you fail to make the distinction between being strong and becoming jaded. 

“ma’am-” mister lee offers you a handkerchief. “i found it in one of the drawers. did you mean to leave it behind?” 

you shake your head, and with a cold, shaky hand, you take it from his open palm. 

once the tears begin to slide down your cheeks, there is no more stopping them. 

as a sign of respect to you, he also leaves the room. 

you choke back a sob, clutching to your chest— the handkerchief you were never sure if you were given or you stole. 

—

jungkook’s tears glimmer from the lighter’s dancing flame. after several clicks, he manages to light up the cigarette. he isn’t innocent–after all he’s already an adult—but it’s a habit he makes an effort to avoid. surely, he can give himself a pass today, though. he’s heartbroken, and he feels pathetic enough hanging out in the alleyway you frequented. 

he blankly stares at the lighter you believe you lost due to your carelessness. thinking back to your words from earlier, he’s furious at how calm you appeared. it was an easy decision— leaving him behind.

the rain has stopped, but raindrops collected by the roof still trickle to the ground and clang against metal pipes.  

with trembling lips, he exhales the smoke— a sob threatens to be ripped from his throat and he roughly covers his mouth to stop it. 

what could possibly be the lesson he’s supposed to learn from this pain? 

he didn’t know where else to go. at his apartment, he’d feel you leave. at the lobby, he’d see you leave. he’d go far, but he doesn’t want to be too far. until the very end, he is at your disposal. 

you could’ve been the one. no, he desperately wanted you to be the one. if you had stayed, he would’ve loved you as often as he breathed— but your paths intertwined only to be unraveled. 

some sadistic tool, fate is. what was the point of finding you again? 

a passerby’s fleeting shadow blocks all sources of light casted over jungkook’s secret place.

you wear your only carry-on, a duffle bag, around your body. 

you cross the street with unhurried steps. 

as you climb into your getaway car, jungkook flicks off the ash from the cigarette held between his fore and middle fingers. 

the tires roll over the wet asphalt, leaving behind a hissing echo. your brother’s car follows suit.

thirty-five, thirty-six… jungkook anxiously counts the vehicles he hears driving away.

was one of them you? 

…are you gone?